Collecting Stray Thoughts

2012-01-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

What a month it has been so far. I am just starting to get used to waking up earlier for my new schedule at work. The last couple of weeks has been very busy and rather stressful. By the time the day has come an end, I have had nothing left in me for writing. I'm thinking that it will be a bit easier this week, so hopefully the blog will proceed with a new sense of regularity (I would say urgency, but I really don't have anything that urgent to say at the moment). The really nice thing about my new schedule is I am free at 3:25PM rather than 5:05PM.

In a way, it surprises me that we are already two weeks into the new year. Sometimes time seems to literally fly by (usually when I am not at work) and I find myself wondering where it went. Part of that is due to the fact that my job is more a study in endurance than something that I find truly interesting. When you are living just to get through something because it is something you need to do, there is not much time left for anything more fulfilling.

I still find myself hoping that someone will see my books on Blurb and I will be able to start using my photography as my means of earning money. I fully realize what a long-shot that is, especially since I have a rather small circle of friends and none of them can really afford either book, but there is that small glimmer of hope that something miraculous will happen. In the meantime, I make plans for my next photographic endeavor and restrain myself from checking back too frequently to see if anyone has bought either book yet.

We are beginning to plan out our camping trips for this year. At this point, we are thinking Zion in April, Great Basin in July, Capitol Reef in September, and Arches in October. We might even throw in a trip to the Tetons in June. It is all still in the initial planning stages at this point, so we'll see what actually happens. Right now, I would love to escape for a couple of days somewhere, but that is just not possible in January (work, of course).

I have decided that I need to work a bit more on being grateful, so I am going to start listing at least one good thing I have accomplished/done during the previous week. I will probably do this on Sundays, at least that is my plan. This week's accomplishment: I have made it through the first two weeks of January and I am still (relatively) sane. That may sound silly, but with my job, I consider that an accomplishment.

That's all for tonight. I should be back tomorrow. Hopefully.

New Year, New Goals (Kind Of)

2012-01-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

Without further ado, I hereby present

What I Plan, Or Hope, To Accomplish, The End Of The World (2012) Edition

1. Complete a photo book about Capitol Reef. I did it (finally) once, I think I can do it again.

2. Other than the photo book, write four chapters or four short stories, or any combination of the two.

3. Hike to the summit of Timp again. I'll have to get started on preparing for this one right away.

4. Hike up to Squaw Peak.

5. Upgrade my computer. This one may soon become a necessity.

6. Exercise. I need to get into shape. I want to be able to go hiking and only stop frequently because I am taking photos, not because I need a breather.

7. Write in my journal at least once a week. This is an oldie but goodie at this point.

8. Visit Great Basin National Park. It is really quite close and we have never been there.

That's a few for right now. I will likely add more tomorrow, but right now I am rather tired. We spent the evening with my family at our monthly family party/late Christmas gathering (my brother and his family had to wait until this weekend to come up from St. George) and the noise tends to wear on me a bit sometimes. i could not, however, miss posting the first day of the year.

I miss one day and see what happens?

2011-12-31T15:25:00.000-07:00

Back around Thanksgiving, I decided I was too tired to write. That one day soon became two, and then three....and now the year is about to give it's final gasp and I am finally writing again. The good news (OK, for me it is good news) is that I have written much more this year than I have ever written before, though not as much as I hope to write in the future. This year I have actually managed to accomplish two things I have set goals to do in past years, but failed to achieve; I submitted three photos to the Utah State Fair, and I completed my book on Arches National Park. I also completed photo books on Nine Mile Canyon and Yellowstone, though they were almost strictly photos with little to no text. Next I might tackle one on Capitol Reef, sharing my impressions and experiences like I did in my Arches book.

And now, in the spirit of the season, I guess it's time to review that list I composed 364 days ago.

What I Plan, Or Hope, To Accomplish, The 2011 Edition

1. Exercise regularly. Merilee and I have a plan in place that begins on Monday morning. We figure if we work on this one together, it is more likely to happen.

This one was in jeopardy almost before it begin. On the first morning, Merilee was not able to even get into the pool it was so crowded and I slipped on some ice while walking outside and hurt my shoulder. We did manage to pick things up later by hiking after work, but then Merilee turned her ankle during a hike on a truly disastrous weekend (no water and we had to find out why from our neighbor, not from our landlords). Then she got sick and we have been fairly sedentary since, though I did spend a couple of days in Arches in October hiking like a madman.

2. Write in my journal at least once a week. I have never been good at keeping a journal, so this is a big deal for me.

Still not good at this one. I started off well, but soon let it go.

3. Finish my Arches book. The photos are almost collected, so I just need to take the time to complete the text and layout. Then I have to have the money to have a copy printed.

Done. Published through Blurb. Check out the links on this blog.

4. Write creatively. And I mean it this time. Compared to last year, this one will be a success as long as I do it even once, but I am shooting for more than that. I already have a first line; "It all began on a Thursday."

Other than the blog, this one went nowhere again. I'll try it again in '12.

5. Save enough money for a new computer. It doesn't have to be fresh out of the box, just new to me. I got the complete National Geographic (I love National Geographic!) on DVD-ROM for Christmas, but I have to have a Mac with an Intel Duo Core Processor running at at least 1.83 GHz in order to use it. I have an iBook G4.

No go on the new 'puter. Still using the same G4 laptop. I ended up upgrading my camera instead. Maybe next year will be a good one for a computer.

6. Pay my tithing. I did better this year, but better is not good enough. This has always been difficult for me.

Still working on this one.

7. If we make it to Zion this year, hike Angel's Landing.

Abject failure here. We made it to Zion, but I realized I was in no shape for Angel's Landing. Next time, perhaps.

8. Become involved in the community. I'm not quite sure what form this will take, but it is something I have thought about doing.

I helped out Friends of the Provo Library and wrote numerous e-mails to my elected officials.

9. Spend less time playing games on Facebook. I have already taken the first step on this one by quitting all of them. Aside from the fact that they were getting to be more frustrating than fun because they are so slow on my computer, I was wasting waaaaay too much time on them.

I had a relapse on this one, but I am back to no Farmville and virtually no Facebook.

10. Enter at least one photo in the state fair. I have threatened to do this for at least the last 10 years. Now that I have officially made it part of my goals, maybe I'll really do it this year.

I entered three photos. Not even an honourable mention. Maybe next year.

11. Continue to improve my photography. I figure I have to add one that will be easy for me to accomplish.

I would like to think that I have succeeded here as well. I'm always trying to improve. My fondest dream is to one day be able to support myself with my photography.

OK, so that about wraps up 2011. Next year I start a new schedule that should allow for a much more active lifestyle (I'm done at 3:25PM) and I hope other things will improve as well. Now I have to get to work on next year's goals. Happy New Year!

PS I finished War And Peace! It was actually pretty good, but the last 45 pages were a bit much. I don't read philosophy for a reason.

Last Night

2011-11-21T20:21:00.001-07:00

I know that yesterday's post was rather lame. 1000 words once may have been funny, twice it is just old. Let me explain what happened. What it comes down to is I forgot to write before shutting down the computer. When I remembered, I did not want to start everything up again, so I decided to try to do it on my phone. For some reason I could not get the keyboard up so that I could type, so I ended up recycling not only the idea, but the photo as well. That was all I could manage. I won't try that again.

Only two more days of work this week. This weekend I hope to get the Arches book just about complete. I am almost half way through War And Peace. I'm tired and ready to call it a night.

Another 1000 Words

2011-11-20T22:38:00.001-07:00

Small Blessings

2011-11-19T20:42:00.001-07:00

Today has been a pretty good day. It started out kind of rough because I woke up at 4:30AM and could not get back to sleep, but we had the library book sale (this sale's shiniest gem....Norton Anthology of English Literature, Vol. 1 for $1) and that was as fun as ever. Then we ran some errands. I got this idea to check at Savers for a sofa or love seat, but told myself that we had never found ANYTHING worth considering at Savers, so I probably shouldn't even suggest it. I decided to suggest it anyway, Merilee agreed, and we found a serviceable love seat for (drum roll please) $12.99! I had to drive a few screws into the frame to firm it up, but with a little luck it will hold for awhile until we can save enough for something better. In the meantime, it was an amazing find and a blessing that we now have a love seat we can actually sit in comfortably. We were even able to get the old one to the dump AND spend some time with Merilee's mom, aunt, and cousins. All in all, I would say it has been a pretty successful day. Now I am headed to bed....OH! I almost forgot. Merilee's mom gave us a foam mattress that looks to make our bed a whole lot more comfortable until we can get a real mattress. Yes, a pretty good day indeed! Now I am headed for bed (after a little Tolstoy if I can keep my eyes open....almost half way through).

New Things We Could Use

2011-11-18T19:57:00.001-07:00

1. A job - mine is wearing me out.

2. An apartment - while grateful we have a roof over our head, we also have a very loud family over our head and we are tired of dealing with disasters.

3. A computer - this one is getting woefully out of date. It's still serviceable, but it is slow and none of the newer web browsers support it.

4. A love seat/small sofa - ours is all but dead

5. A car - OK, not very badly, but it would be nice to get better gas mileage.

6. Attitude - mine has taken a seriously negative turn of late. On this list, this is the one thing I think will actually happen, maybe.

7. Bed/mattress - we could both use better sleep at night.

Things I can always use more of
Time
Gratitude
Fellowship with friends
Faith
Hope
Success

The Long And Short Of It

2011-11-17T19:43:00.001-07:00

This afternoon, between calls, I was thinking about the fickleness of time. I have a 30 minute lunch break that seems to be over even before it starts, but the last 30 minutes of the work day seem to take an eternity to pass (especially Friday afternoon). I know all about time flying when you are having gun, but it is still interesting to me that my level of interest has a direct effect on how fast I perceive time passing. I know this is not exactly profound, but it was something I was thinking about and thought I would share.

That's all for now (heavy on the 'short' tonight).

Rambling Thoughts

2011-11-16T20:08:00.001-07:00

I hope someone enjoyed yesterday's posting, even if I really didn't write anything. I was really tired and totally brain dead, though not brain dead enough to try to be clever. At least I didn't post just some random photo, but one I genuinely like.

I'm glad the work week is now half over. Only five more work days until Thanksgiving and a nice break from work. This Saturday is also the Friends of the Library book sale at the Provo Library and I am definitely looking forward to that. I'm like a little kid in a candy store at the book sales. Just when I think I can't possibly find anything there, I find more than I expected. The sale is one mine I can always count on to deliver, no matter how often I dig there.

On Black Friday, we are considering going to Nine Mile Canyon for the day. The current long range forecast is not promising, but we'll see what happens. It would be quite nice to go see the amazing rock art again. If the weather is bad, we'll probably just stay put. It would be fun to go because I always seem to find something new there. Besides, it would be nice to escape the crowds.

We're looking for a new love seat or small sofa. Ours is currently on it's very last legs and in dire need or replacement. These things always seem to give out at the same time as the bank account is running on empty. Maybe we'll have to just sit on the floor for awhile. That might be interesting.

Well, that about does it for tonight. I wish I had something more interesting to say, but the job seems to take it right out of me. Until tomorrow, then.

1000 Words

2011-11-15T20:06:00.001-07:00

Joys Of Internet Shopping

2011-11-14T20:13:00.001-07:00

Saturday night, I placed an order through Barnes & Noble's web site. I had a couple of $5 gift cards, so I decided I would use them. I found a few books I wanted (mostly clearance) and placed the order. When checking my e-mail on Sunday, I first received e-mails stating that there would be a delay, then got an e-mail stating that the order was ready to ship. Today I got e-mails stating that there had been a delay and I had to go on their web site to say I still wanted the books or the order would be canceled. I received a copy of the e-mail for each of the five items I ordered. I decided at that point that I would just cancel everything (the other option I had along with saying I still wanted everything). I hit the cancel buttons for all five items and then, later in the day, I receive e-mails stating that I cannot cancel because the items are being prepared for shipping. What???!!! OK, so I go onto the web site and look at my order again and it still shows the options to say yes, I still want the item or cancel the item FOR ALL FIVE ITEMS. At the top of the order it states that if I do not select the 'still want' option, it will be canceled in 24 hours. I'll check tomorrow to see if anything has changed, but I am so confused right now that I may never order from them again. With the demise of Borders, this is not the time for Barnes & Noble to go all squirrelly on us. And this is not the first time that has happened to me. I had ordered The Complete Avengers on DVD-rom (that's the comic book, it anyone is wondering), and it was not until I got through checkout and waited for it to ship that they said it was out of stock. What a lousy way to run a web site. No wonder everyone orders from Amazon.

THIS JUST IN!
After initially publishing this post, I was doing a quick e-mail check before heading off to spend some quality time with Tolstoy and guess what I found? An e-mail from Barnes & Noble saying that my order had shipped; ALL FIVE ITEMS. I don't know who let their pet monkey play with the e-mail portion of their web site, but they need to put him back in his cage before he brings down any more confusion on unsuspecting customers. What a weird trip this has been.

Nope....I Got Nuthin' (Almost)

2011-11-13T20:30:00.001-07:00

I have been sitting here for more than 30 minutes doing other things (checking Amazon for the new Bloom County book, fiddling around on Facebook, etc) while I tried and tried to come up with something worth saying tonight. at this point, it is time to throw up my hands and walk away. Before I head of to my nightly date with Tolstoy (436 pages down, 1008 to go), I want to leave with something I read in the most recent issue of Outside magazine.

"In a 1991 study by Texas A&M psychologists, subjects who viewed scenes of water or trees reported a much quicker return to a positive mood after a stressful event than those who viewed urban scenes."

Also:

"In a pilot study this March, psychologists found that students in an Outward Bound course showed a 40 percent boost in frontal-lobe actvity--which is linked to creativity--after four days in the backcountry."

And finally:

"A 2008 study by University of Michigan psychologists found that walking outside or even just looking at pictures of natural settings improves directed attention, the ability to concentrate on a task. Put another way, nature restores our ability to focus."

There are people out there I really wish would pay more attention to information like this before advocating that wilderness is not important for anything but its economic value. Perhaps a session of congress in the middle of the forest is in order? I know I could use a good walk in the woods about now.

Moments Lost In Time

2011-11-12T21:35:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was one of those rare days when I was actually able to do a little thinking between calls at work. I ruminated over things ranging from a fresh update to my political blog (not done yet, but coming soon, not that anyone has ever read it), to what I was considering doing this weekend. I was considering whether or not to make the trek up to Salt Lake to attend my great aunt's funeral (it was this morning and I opted out due to being too emotionally worn out for a funeral), when I started thinking back on trips we had made to her house on Christmas when I was a kid. We used to go, in part, because my grandmother did not drive and she wanted to see her sister at Christmas. Then I started thinking about the past and about time and how fleeting it all is. For some reason it really struck me the fact that the only way I have to prove that any of those things ever happened is that I remember them. Once the moment is gone, it is irretrievably gone except for what we remember, and that is different for everyone who experienced the moment.

I think back on some of my earliest memories, and sometimes they do not feel real. I know that these things happened to me because I remember them happening, and still they feel somehow not a part of me. It was somewhat disconcerting thinking about this in between calls. I started recalling times where I have felt like I was in some strange dream and that I would wake up at any moment to find that everything that had happened in the last week, month, year, decade was, in fact, just a dream.

And then there are the photos I recently found of a camping trip with my ex and our kids. The photos are real. They captured some of these moments lost to the past, and yet I have no memory of that trip. I cannot explain it. I look at the photos and I try so hard to recall where we were, what the occasion was, any detail at all, and it is as if the whole thing has been erased from my memory. I know I was there; I took the photos, but I could not tell you where 'there' was if my life depended on it.

So the past simply disappears, but it is as if my brain is trying to think beyond this linear concept called time. It is sometimes as if my brain is saying, 'Look, I know that there is more to this, but something is in there keeping me from unlocking the part that will help me comprehend in something other than a linear way.' I am sure that this is probably starting to sound rather whacked out (who knows, maybe a screw or two is finally coming loose), but the whole experience yesterday was really rather odd. I found myself wondering if, somehow, our past moments still exist and we could revisit them if only we could find a way to them. Right now, memory is the only way, and memories can be strange, elusive things. It was a weird afternoon.

Clear as mud? I thought so. At least I will have this as proof that tonight existed at some point. Unless this is all some weird dream. (OK, I'll stop now.)

At A Loss For Words

2011-11-11T20:38:00.001-07:00

It's Friday night, it has been a very long week, and rather than being all excited and energetic because it is finally the weekend, I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. So the plan is to get some sleep and approach this blog thing again tomorrow. I had some things I was thinking about earlier today that I really want to share, but tonight it is just not happening. If you could see how many times I have had to backspace and correct text, you would understand what I am saying. Tune in tomorrow; it should be much more interesting (than this entry, anyway).

Just A Quick One

2011-11-10T19:50:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is Friday! Only one more day of work before the weekend. This has been one of those weeks I will be glad to see that back of. More and more I am looking forward to Thanksgiving; not only for the wonderful food and good company, but for the time off.

We bought some Cinnabon cinnamon rolls at Costco tonight as a treat. I had forgotten how good they can be....and just how sweet. We may have to freeze some because one tonight has just about done me in. It sure was tasty though.

That about wraps it up for me tonight.

Wishful Thinking

2011-11-09T20:15:00.001-07:00

If I could choose to do anything I wished for a living, I would spend time visiting the national parks and write photo books about my experiences. One problem with this dream is that there are already many people who do this very thing. Just look at the visitor's centers and you will find any number of books filled with photos of the parks. That said, against very long odds, I hope to complete a book on Arches later this month. I have no illusions it will ever be much more than just a little something I put together for my own satisfaction. The site I will be publishing it through will have it available for sale, but I do not anticipate that more than three copies will ever be sold, and I will likely be the one to buy them all. Still, it will be an accomplishment. After all, I did manage to enter three photos into the state fair this year after saying I was going to enter for at least a decade. I am sure I will experience some level of satisfaction of seeing the book in print. I did a Yellowstone photo book for my dad recently and I liked it well enough to buy a copy for myself as well. That one was only photos and I do not think it is available for purchase unless I purchase additional copies. What I am slowly and very indirectly getting at is it would be a dream made real if my Arches book actually sold well and I was able to do other books. I could easily put one together for Capitol Reef as well at this point.

That would be my dream job; not only because I would be writing and taking photos for a living, but because I could actually spend more time in nature. While I missed having Merilee with me this last trip to Arches, being able to spend time immersed in the wonders of that place, listening to the wind and feeling the peace of being away from so many people and the demands of everyday life was something I needed more than I could ever describe. I think back to my hike out to Tower Arch and I remember being almost drawn by the trail. When I started, I had no plan to do the whole trail. I just wanted to see what the first part of the trail looked like, but the further I went, the further I wanted to go. Yes, when I got to the hill of sand, I wondered what I was thinking and if I should go on or just turn back, but I kept going (and I really do not like walking uphill in sand). Even though I was getting tired and was really not in the best of shape, something drew me on. When I finally reached the arch, it was all worth it. I had come 1.7 miles, seeing areas of the park I had never experienced before, and here I stood before something remarkably grand, inspiring, and breath taking. I sat there for awhile, a solitary human amidst natural wonders. That kind of experience is what helps renew me. There are times I literally live for moments like that. Moments like that are what I hope to share.

I'll let you know when it is done.

Tired Tuesday

2011-11-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

Today was a rather long day at work and I am rather worn out. At heart, I am really a very empathic person, and dealing with others' problems every day can make me feel physically tired. That is where I am at tonight. I am emotionally drained as well, and that does not lend itself to creativity.

I did get some good news today. My son, who lives in Sweden, has twice applied for extension of child support. I received the most recent official letter in the mail on October 29th. According to Utah, where the Swedish authorities had my child support calculated so they could use ORS instead of working directly with me, my son has been emancipated since he turned 18. Well, when I got the most recent letter, I sent an e-mail explaining that. Today, I had a notice left in the mail that I had a registered letter from Sweden. I spent the rest of the day wondering what it would say, imagining the worst and wondering how I was going to afford paying child support for him again. Right after work, I went to the post office and got the letter. Rather than the missive of gloom I expected, it was a simple letter acknowledging the my son is indeed emancipated and I do not have to start paying extended child support. Now if he would only get a job like normal people who are almost 20 and need money.

That's about all I have in me tonight. Time to read a bit more or the great Russian novel and head to bed.

Another Monday

2011-11-07T21:30:00.001-07:00

Yet another Monday has come and gone. Only four more work days to get through. There is something about feeling that way that is quite sad to me. I feel like I am just trying to get through five days of the week, and that seems like such a waste to me. It makes me wish I was doing something that felt meaningful to me, not just something that produced a paycheck. Still, there is no doubt how thankful I am for that paycheck, but I keep looking for something more meaningful.

Lately I have found myself questioning a lot of things. No answers yet, just questions. It must be the fact that I am getting close to 50 or something. I try to look in my heart, try to listen to what it surely must be trying to tell me, but either I am not sensitive enough to hear or there is nothing to hear. I am pretty certain it is not the latter, so I am faced with the task of learning how to hear better. It is not an easy task, but I continue to try. I sometimes wonder why something that seems to come so easily to others is such a difficult task for me. I'm almost 50 and still wondering what my purpose in life is. I thought I knew, once, but that was long time ago and so much has changed since then.

I think it's time to call it a night.

Reading War And Peace

2011-11-06T20:16:00.001-07:00

As you may have noticed, I am currently reading War And Peace by Leo Tolstoy. I found a copy of the Penguin Classics edition at Barnes & Noble for $3.99 (normally $16), so I bought it thinking, "Some day, I am going to read War And Peace." Why now, you may ask? The simple answer is that I want to be able to say I have read it, nothing more. I read Anna Karinina years ago and did not enjoy it very much, so I figured my literary flirtation with Tolstoy was finished without having to read one of the longest (and, according to some, one of the most boring) novels in literature, but I was having a hard time deciding what to read after finishing Focault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco (weird book) and I figured there is no time like the present and grabbed the huge tome off of the shelf.

I am over 250 pages into it (1444 pages total) and I find it reads much like any Victorian English novel. This is partly due to the translator being English, I am sure, but the situations and characters remind me of similar characters encountered in books by Dickens, Hardy, and Eliot, among others. It seems the struggles of the human condition are more universal than some would have us believe. I have not found it enthralling, but I have not found it tedious either. It has been interesting and I anticipate it being no harder to get through that other lengthy novels I have read, such as The Count Of Monte Cristo (the unabridged version) and Les Miserables (again, the unabridged version). I ended up enjoying both of those very much, though they did take awhile.

By the end of the year, if someone ever asks if I have read War And Peace, I hope to be able to reply, "Why yes, I have, and Moby Dick as well." That's another book I approached with some trepidation, but figured it couldn't be as bad as I had heard, and I found it was quite enjoyable. I may not have any impressive talents, but I can read long books with the best.

Daylight Savings Time

2011-11-05T23:33:00.000-06:00

I'll run the risk tonight of becoming another of likely millions who are making comment, whether pro or con, on the changing of the clocks. It seems to me that with Standard Time being in the minority (what, a little over four months), why do we still refer to it as 'standard'. It seems to me that it is the exception now. I now began my two-week readjustment period, getting used to it being lighter earlier again, and getting darker earlier as well. I wish we would just abandon the whole thing. What I won't do is beat a dead horse by going on and on and on about it.

Tonight we had fun watching Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi back-to-back. I had forgotten how whiny Luke is in Empire. Still, it was a lot of fun revisiting a couple of my favourite films. I just wish I had not eaten so much popcorn.

Let It Snow!

2011-11-04T21:07:00.001-06:00

While I won't believe it until I actually see it (that's how much I trust weather forecasts), tonight we are actually supposed to get snow in the valley. Personally, I am rather excited. I like snow. We moved away from Utah when I was a kind, so I guess I never really lost that childhood love of the cold, white stuff. I like the way it makes everything look so pristine, until it gets all dirty from cars and such. I like to walk barefoot in the snow. It feels good on my feet as long as I do not spend too much time in it. I like walking it late night snow storms. They seem to amplify the light and there is a kind of muffled silence as the snow gently falls to the ground. I like getting on a warm jacket and breathing the crisp, cold, clean air. I like the feeling of the natural world slumbering under a blanket of white. I like driving up the canyon and seeing the green pines frosted white with snow. I like icicles that grow from the roof as the snow melts. I also like that the winter gives me a renewed appreciation for the warmth of spring when it finally comes.

Most of all, I just like snow.

Just A Thought

2011-11-03T20:31:00.000-06:00

Recently I had what I think is a pretty good idea. Here in Utah, we have quite a few very sunny days per year, especially during the summer. In Utah and Salt Lake counties, we also have more than a few malls and shopping centers. These places of commerce have huge asphalt parking lots that reflect an awful lot of heat during the summer. Wouldn't it be nice if they would fill those parking lots with raised solar panel arrays? The solar panels would generate electricity and having them placed over the parking lots would provide shade for the cars. It seems like a win-win to me. Like I said, it was just a thought.

Rant Ahead, Proceed With Caution

2011-11-02T20:19:00.000-06:00

There are days when I really have to work hard to remind myself how grateful I should be to have a job. About a month ago, I started what I thought was a mostly new job. Many of the aspects of my job that I found less than appealing were going away and certain problems that I faced on an almost daily basis would be a thing of the past. I would be doing one thing, and only that.

The reality is that nothing has really changed. I still do the same things, only differently, and I do more work than before while being held to many of the same stats. I have never had a 'lateral move' (translated as 'no raise') that presented so much additional work. This new process was supposed to simplify things, but they have simply gotten more complicated and cumbersome. It feels as if they have passed on much of the job that those above us did, only we do not get paid anywhere near as much as they do. We are doing work they did for a lot less money than they get. In many ways, I feel rather used. If I had known that this was going to turn out this way, I would never have taken the job. Oh, that's right, I was not given a choice. None of us were. We were simply told we would be doing this, told it would be one way, and we have now learned that it is something completely different.

I wish I could be more detailed, but if I shared any more, I'm not certain what might happen, so I am trying to keep my complaints as generic as possible. I wouldn't want to get fired for expressing concerns here, but I simply have to express them somewhere so that I can get the frustration out. Besides, I am certain my wife is tired of hearing me complain =) I guess this is what happens when one is a front line employee for a big company. It does not feel much different from working for a small company where not being part of the main clique was career suicide.

I'll just end by saying that those of you out there who truly love what you do for a living are among the luckiest people on the face of the planet as far as I am concerned. One day I hope to join you, but for now I'll huddle with the unlucky and hope I can find a way to dislike my job less and be thankful for it more.

Starting Anew Again

2011-11-01T19:52:00.000-06:00

After taking almost the entire month of October off, I decided it was time to start writing again. Besides, I have a few photos to share from my most recent journey down to Arches National Park. This time I actually managed to see new things as well as some old friends. You would think that after being there so many times, I would not take quite so many photos, but that was definitely not the case. I am always seeing things to photograph, like sunrise lighting up the red rock below.

Then there was Tunnel Arch. I have seen this one before, but never gotten a good photo. This time the light was good, so I was able to get a decent shot.

On this trip, basically as the result of a spur-of-the-moment decision, I hiked out to Tower Arch in the Klondike Bluffs area. It is a 3.4 mile round trip hike that the sign at the trail head says is moderately strenuous, with gently ups and downs. I beg to differ, especially when it comes to the climb up the sand hill. I almost turned back a couple of times, but it ended up being well worth it. With sights like the Marching Men (below) and Tower Arch itself, I would definitely do this hike again.

These are just four of over 500 shots. Of course, not all are worth showing, but I liked these four enough to share here. I hope everyone who sees them enjoys them as well. I think I will let them be enough for tonight.

Why I Love Autumn....and other thoughts

2011-10-23T17:58:00.000-06:00

Here are a few visual reasons I love Autumn, especially this year.

Though they have largely faded by now, the colours this year were spectatcular, especially in the Provo Canyon area (not that I made a statewide tour or anything). Sometimes I look at these photos and the colors seems too rich, but this is how they looked. I really love early morning and late afternoon sunlight. There is more here if you are interested

So my long absence was not because I had grown tired of blogging, but simply because I have been tired. Back on October 3rd, I started doing something new at work that has made for some very long days the past three weeks. There has not been a day when I did not finish feeling like my head was about ready to explode. It has been quite tough, and even the thought of trying to sound coherent for my blog was more than I could deal with, so I put it off and put it off. No more. I'm back for a few days, but then I am off for some much needed camping in Arches National Park. I'm really going to need this time off as the entire month of November promises to be worse than the last three weeks.

And as if work has not been bad enough, just when we are looking forward to a relaxing weekend, disaster decided to rear its ugly head. I woke up at about 4:25 Saturday morning and could not get back to sleep. Believe me, I tried, but it just was not happening, so I decided to get up and write. The day had other plans, however. A little after 5AM, I heard the water go on upstairs. No big deal, somebody just answering an early morning nature call, or so I thought. Next thing I know, I hear water dripping. I get up and run to the hall and water is coming down out of the ceiling, the vents, everywhere. I grabbed the phone and called our landlords upstairs. It turns out that a hose on their toilet popped off, sending water down into our apartment. It was a huge mess that we had to clean up (they helped a bit), and this is not the first time this year something like this has happened (the last one was a water heater, but I won't go into that now). We went more than 24 hours with a loud, droning floor fan blowing under the carpet, but at least it is dry now. It would have been so much worse if I had not been awake (or if it had happened while we were in Arches), so I am very thankful for that, but it was another in a long list of catastrophes and inconveniences that we have had to deal with living down here. It was also the end of our relaxing weekend, dead before it could even get started. At least this evening is quiet.

With all that happening, this morning I decided we needed a bit of nature therapy. We drove out to the airport dike by Utah Lake and I tested out my new lens on some water fowl. We saw some grebes and these birds that looked like black ducks with white bills and red eyes. I'm not sure what they were because I cannot find them in my bird book, but they were fun to watch. We sat on some rocks by the lake and just watched these birds as they did their thing among the reeds and grasses. We enjoyed the warmth of the sun, the smell of the air, and the sounds of the birds around us. I think it was just what we needed, though we could not stay too long. Now I look forward to sitting on a rock by our campsite, watching the sun set and enjoying the solitude and quiet of being in Arches. Three days of the best of Utah's desert country is just what the doctor ordered, in a manner of speaking....and I'll share photos when I return.

The Weekend Has Arrived

2011-09-30T23:00:00.000-06:00

After what has been a very long week, I am ready for this weekend. It started well tonight with Timp High beating Mountview 23-9. It was a fun game and I took photos of Coach Kauo who is our neighbor. I may print a couple of the best ones up for him.

Tomorrow is General Conference, so most of my day is planned for me already. I may try to get up early and go hiking before the first session, but I haven't decided yet. That decision will come when the alarm goes off in the morning. Our home teacher, who is also the Elders Quorum President, all but promised he would have tickets for Merilee and I to go to a session, but we missed church last week and there has been no word from him, so we will just listen at home. I have never attended a session of Conference in person. It would have been nice to go, but those are the breaks. I tend to never count on things like that happening to me because even when it looks like it is a done deal, it never seems to happen.

OK, it's late and if I want to have any hope of hiking in the morning, I better get to bed now. Until tomorrow, then.

Coming Or Going

2011-09-29T20:11:00.001-06:00

I couldn't think of anything to write tonight, so I thought I would use the NoBloPoMo prompt, only because I really don't fly anywhere anymore, I have modified it a bit. Personally, I tend to like the going more than the coming back these days. When we go places, it is usually camping and I use those trips to help rejuvenate as I have mentioned in other posts. While there are definitely things I like about being home, I don't like my job much, so having that lurking on any return is not too pleasant. This summer, I have gotten through work by focusing on the next trip. I'm still doing it in that I am looking forward to the end of October and our trip to Arches. Maybe the change that will soon be happening with my job will be a good thing and I will dislike it a bit less and returning will not have that black mark against it.

Only one more day in the week and the month. Too bad it feel more like August then almost October, though I hear tell that will be changing soon enough. Can't wait for the weekend!

September 28

2011-09-28T20:42:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday to me! 47 years old and still don't feel a day over 45. Just kidding. I actually don't worry too much about my chronological age. In my head I'm still no more than 30. So here's to the 17th anniversary of my 30th birthday.

(Still not in the mood for much reflection. Maybe later.)

Waning Hours

2011-09-27T20:29:00.000-06:00

Not long now and I will have completed the 47th year of my existence. I would say that now is a good time for reflection, but I would really rather not tonight. Maybe tomorrow after a good meal I will feel more like looking back over my life. Tonight I think I would rather just read a good book and drift off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow is a decent enough day. I will say that I am hoping for great things in year 48, but really expecting much more of the same. I think I feel a mid-life crisis coming on. Better go try to sleep it off.

Not Much Tonight

2011-09-26T20:15:00.001-06:00

Nothing like the first day back at work after a vacation to make me wish I was still on vacation. This was one of those Mondays that give all Mondays a bad reputation. If it wasn't the 40 minute, stats-wrecking call, it was the degeneration of my phone into a fragmented mess when I tried to talk. I was so glad to see the day come to an end. Hopefully this is not an early indication of where the rest of the week is going. I have training the rest of the week, so I'm afraid to even wonder how bad it might get.

I'm going to head to bed early tonight.

More About The Reef

2011-09-25T21:01:00.000-06:00

On this trip to Capitol Reef, we did something new every day. When we arrived, we selected a camp site in the walk-in area, mainly because it was the best option available. Tuesday we drove the Notom-Bullfrog Road down to the Burr Trail, and then took the Burr Trail over to Highway 12 at Boulder. That was truly amazing. Friday I hiked the Cohab Canyon Trail from the campground to Highway 24, and then followed the highway back to the campground (not very smart on my part and my legs are still sore as a result of that hike). Saturday we drove down to Pleasant Creek and walked along the creek a bit. Here are a couple of photos from the trip.

On Saturday, we decided to drive through Capitol Gorge on our way back from Pleasant Creek. Now, there is a sign at the entrance to the dirt road into the gorge stating that no vehicles over 27 feet long should try the drive. Well, a little way in we began seeing what appeared to be Japanese tourists taking photos along the side of the road. Merilee remarked that they must have walked a bit to get where we saw them. The we saw why they were there. The driver of their tour bus (yes, bus....much more than 27 feet long) had taken the bus down into the gorge on the dirt road. We hurried to the parking lot and turned around as quick as we could because we did not want to get stuck in the gorge should the bus become stuck trying to turn around. The road is very narrow and rather rough, so I have no idea how they got as far as they got. I also have no idea how long it took them to get it out.

Back From The Adventure

2011-09-24T20:04:00.000-06:00

Well, I am back from Capitol Reef a day earlier than I originally planned. It's my own fault because I took on a hike that I was clearly not prepared for (more on that later). Because of that, I am sitting here with very sore legs and calves that feel like rocks. I would not have been able to hike today (though we did go for a bit of a walk this morning before we left this morning so my legs would not be even less functional), so we decided to just head back. It was an amazing trip, but I am just too sore and tired to say too much about it other than we did something new every day and I took tons of photos, some of which I will share soon (hopefully tomorrow). I'll also share some additional details of our adventure. For tonight, I'm just glad we are home safe and I hope my legs feel better tomorrow.

Capitol Reff Bound

2011-09-21T05:41:00.002-06:00

Today is the big day. We're off here in just a little bit, but I thought I would post a little something to keep the streak alive for now. Wish us luck and safety, and I'll be back on Sunday if I cannot find a way to post before then. I'll even have photos.

The Night Before

2011-09-20T21:44:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the big day; we are off to Capitol Reef. I am trying to keep my expectations low for this trip because Merilee's foot is still bothering her so she will not be hiking. It obviously follows that any hiking I do will be the solo variety. I have been looking forward to this trip for awhile now, but now that it is tomorrow, I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for it. I'm sure it's just because I am tired and it has been a very long day. It's weird because I usually love to drive and I am not looking forward to this drive at all. I'm not looking forward to setting up the tent either. I know that once I get on my way, this will all likely change, but right now I could just sleep for five days and call it good. The most important thing here is that I am not at work.

I'll try to say something quick before leaving in the morning, but I don't think I'll be posting while I am gone as there is no cell reception and not internet access. Nothing wrong with that, though. I would rather be in Capitol Reef National Park and break my string of blog entries than keep the streak alive and not go camping. Still, who knows?

At A Loss

2011-09-19T20:39:00.002-06:00

I have to admit that another Monday evening finds me with not much to say. Mondays can be quite a shock after not having work for two days. Nothing like getting yelled at ("I know it's not your fault, but.....") to bring one back to reality. At least I only have one more day to get through before a nice break from everything, but tonight I'm afraid that's all I have to share.

Weekend Wrap Up

2011-09-18T21:40:00.001-06:00

So another weekend comes to a close, Fortunately, I only have two days of work this week, so I will soon move into a very much needed break. Capitol Reef is still on right now and I don't think I will be able to blog while I am gone. That means that I will miss, at the very least, Thursday through Saturday. I may get something posted before I leave on Wednesday, but chances are I'll forget in the rush of final packing and getting onto the road. If I can find a way to do it, I'll post updates during our trip, but the most likely scenario is that I'll share some photos when I get back.

I actually almost missed tonight as well. We had been up at my parents where I grilled burgers and hot dogs while inhaling mass quantities of hickory smoke. I also made dutch oven potatoes and they turned out great. I don't make them very often because they have enough bacon in them that they are not extremely healthy, but they sure are tasty and my family seems to love them. My day actually came out and visited with Merilee and I as I grilled and that was quite nice. We talked a bit about BYU's meltdown last night against Utah among other things. It was really nice to have him come out and talk with us.

Tomorrow we will have to do some shopping after work to get the last few things we need for the trip so we can start getting things organized. It will be so nice to be away for awhile. I really need the time out in nature to help recharge personal batteries that are running dangerously low. We took a quick trip up into the mountains today and I realized just how much I have needed to get out into the wild. It has been hard with Merilee's foot bothering her because we have not been able to go hiking like we had been doing. It will not be as much fun to be hiking without her, but it is something that I really need right now.

Busy Saturday

2011-09-17T22:06:00.000-06:00

Today we spent most of the day running errands. We started off with a trip to the book sale at the Springville Library. I may have mentioned before that books are a big addiction for me, so it can be dangerous to go to these sales, but I have so much fun when I go. I managed to restrain myself this morning, mainly because there really wasn't much to look at. I did have one major score, though. I found a copy of Approaching Zion by Hugh Nibley for....(drum roll)....a whole 50 cents. Brand new, the book is $50 and I got it for 99% off. It does have a few problems, as many previously loved books do, but I did not hesitate when I saw it. Today's sale only set me back $2.25, though the remaining finds really aren't worth mentioning (but I like them).

Other errands made up much of the rest of the day, but we made it home before having to deal with the insane traffic that happens on game day. Yes, it's the big BYU-Utah game here in Provo tonight. It may be heresy to say so, but this year I really don't care what happens. This is one rivalry that has gotten way too ugly (and I am talking about the fans on both sides) of late and I am tired of it. When Utah ran away to the PAC 12, I hoped that would be the end of the whole thing, but no, they figured out a way to string it along. So go BYU, and take Utah with you because so many of you have forgotten one simple thing....IT'S ONLY A GAME!

Tomorrow morning, barring unexpected morning cloudiness, Merilee and I are going to head up into the mountains for a bit of a drive. I have a photography project I plan on starting and I want to see how the colours are coming along. I have noticed reds and yellows up on Y Mountain and I suspect they are getting a good start in the higher country as well. I thoroughly enjoy Autumn and the beauty of the trees preparing for their winter nap. They can be a challenge to photograph, but I do so love the challenge. Also, there is always the chance of spotting the odd moose or a few wild turkeys, though deer are definitely much more common. I'll be sure to post some photos here if I get any really good ones, especially if I manage to see any moose.

Now I think I'll head to bed. I only got about 5 hours sleep last night due to a very minor bout with insomnia, so I am hoping to get more rest tonight. Tomorrow evening we head up to my parents' place for our monthly family gathering. It's going to be a barbeque, so I am forced (OK, strongly encourage) to make my dutch oven potatoes. On top of that, I'll be doing the grilling (I always seem to at the barbeques), so I'll come home smelling of the grill. It could be worse.

Victory At Last

2011-09-16T22:50:00.000-06:00

Timp 41, Springville 14. We almost didn't go because of the rain before the game, but we are glad we went. It was only 7-6 at the half, so the second half things really opened up. I felt a little sorry for Springville because it was their Homecoming game, but it was a lot of fun watching Timp dominate for a change. We will likely miss next week's game because we will be camping, but we'll be back for the one after that. Go T-wolves.

Almost Here

2011-09-15T20:37:00.002-06:00

No, this is not from this year. Yes, it is almost Autumn. I have so enjoyed the cooler nights recently and I am looking forward to heading up into the mountains to try to capture more photos like this one. With all the water we have had lately, who knows how colourful things could get.

Next week my streak of blog entries may come to an end as we are planning on going to Capitol Reef for a few days, possibly with a side trip down to Bryce Canyon. Merilee's foot is still bothering her, but she says she is happy to relax in camp while I go hiking. I'm not sure I like that idea (I would feel bad leaving her all alone in camp), but both of us are at the point that we really need an escape and I would really like some apples. We'll see what happens. If it means not going to Capitol Reef so that Merilee's foot is better for Arches in October, I may opt for that. I could really use some time camping, though. Looks like it will be an interesting weekend going back and forth, trying to decide.

Short And Sweet....Well, Short Anyway

2011-09-14T20:01:00.002-06:00

It has been another long day and I am, once again, not feeling very talkative. Dealing with as many rude people as I had to deal with today is not very conducive to writing an interesting blog entry, I'm afraid. It definitely wears me out emotionally. I try to answer each call with a friendly-sounding greeting. The gets progressively harder to do with each rude response. I know having problems is frustrating, but it does not help to start out by unleashing your frustration on someone you are asking to help you. Anyway, only two more days until the weekend. Here's hoping they are better than the previous three, or eight, or thirteen, or.......

Im-Prompt-Tuesday

2011-09-13T20:53:00.000-06:00

I'm brain dead today, so I decided to answer the prompt from NoBloPoMo for today's entry.

What was the last book you returned to the library?
I just recently returned Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John Le Carre. I found it quite enjoyable. I'm still not entirely sure why I decided to try this one other than I had never read any of his books and it seemed interesting. It turned out to be a rather good read and I actually checked out and read his first George Smiley novel Call For The Dead, and now I am reading A Murder Of Quality. I tend to do this; read in genre cycles. Today it is spy novels, tomorrow it could be fantasy again. I never can tell.

Passing The Century Mark, In A Manner Of Speaking

2011-09-12T20:25:00.000-06:00

I did not even notice this until after I had posted last night, but yesterday's post marked the 100th. that may not seem like much, but considering my track record previous to this year (or even last month), it really is quite the accomplishment. At this rate, the next 100 will not take me near as long. It is even possible I could do it before the year is over, though I am not sure how long I will keep up the daily entries.

I saw something on posted on Facebook by Pioneer Book in Orem that was more than a little disheartening. Apparently, Ikea is now making its Billy bookcase deeper, and even moving towards having glass doors. The reason? Ikea suspects that people will not be using them for books as much anymore. Apparently the writer of the post Pioneer linked to thinks that "dead tree books", as he calls them, will soon be a thing of the past, starting with paperbacks. I, for one, sincerely hope he is wrong, though the demise of Borders is definitely not encouraging. I love books. One day I hope to have written one of my own. I have seen e-readers and even have a couple of free ebooks on my phone, but I enjoy holding the book in my hand, the smell of the paper, turning actual paper pages, and seeing them lining my walls. Books are one of my truly big weaknesses. Best of all, you can read them without electricity. I really like my electronic gadgets, but they will never replace my books.

Lost Weekend

2011-09-11T21:19:00.000-06:00

Friday night: Timp loses homecoming game

Saturday: I go to the fair and confirm that I lost

Saturday night: On the way home from the fair, listen to BYU lose to Texas

Sunday: Vikings lose to the Chargers

That is one losing weekend. Now I have the work week to dread, I mean, look forward to. Before anyone says I need to look on the bright side and not be so negative, I know all that, but there really has not been much of a bright side to look on this weekend. Well, the turkey leg at the fair was good, so I guess that counts for something.

Fair Report

2011-09-10T21:51:00.000-06:00

No ribbons. Not surprised. Still disappointed. Best in class photo sucked. Really could have used some recognition, but not to be. The whole thing won't be as big a deal tomorrow. Headed to bed. Maybe next year.

Here are the photos I entered. Now that I know that they did not win, I won't jinx anything by sharing them.

Big Day Tomorrow

2011-09-09T22:38:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I head up to the Utah State Fair to see my photos on display with hundreds of others. It will be cool to see my work hanging there with so many others. I really don't expect to see any ribbons, but it would be nice to be surprised. It will be interesting to see what the judges think is noteworthy this year. Last time I went, I tended to disagree....or at least not understand the reasoning behind...most of the judges' choices. I may have mentioned this before (but I DO like to whine about it, admittedly), but the big winner last time I went was an orchid on a white background. It was a no-brainer photo. Anyone could have taken it, but it was in a really nice frame and was entered in the fine art category, so maybe that was what made the difference. I just could not believe that a photo that took so little effort ended being judged the best. There were literally dozens of photos that deserved it more than that one in my opinion, but I'll stop whining now.

Another Friday night and another Timp High loss. They showed some moments of brilliance tonight, but they just couldn't avoid the mistakes. Next week they play at Springville. We'll see what happens then.

Ancient Pet Picture?

2011-09-08T21:03:00.003-06:00

Is it just me or does this look like a Native American decided to immortalize his favourite dog in stone? Proof that they had pets? I think it just might be so myself.

I took this one in Moab (I think) and I almost entered it into the fair, but it did not make the final cut this year. It is less than a year old, so I can still use it next year if I want to. It is one of those petroglyphs that looks familiar, but does not seem to be of a hunting scene or of something abstract. That is one of the reasons I like it so much.

Another Restless Night

2011-09-07T19:36:00.000-06:00

This one is going to be another short entry because I had yet another night with little restful sleep. This time it was because I had a couple of very bad dreams where I was feeling complete despair. This wasn't a little bit of depression, it was full on just-let-me-cease-to-be despair. I do not recall why I was feeling that way. I only retained the residue of the feeling when I woke up. It took me a long time to shake most of it off, but it has never completely left me. Try dealing with unpleasant people in a pleasant manner when you wake up from an experience like that. I'm not too surprised that I am feeling quite drained right about now. I hope tonight is much better.

Verse

2011-09-06T21:35:00.000-06:00

Have we forgotten the strength
Of a simple touch
Or the warmth of a voice
Speaking for us alone?
Lost in a world of pixels and texts
Safe electronic shelters
Free from the need
For true human interaction
Speech, touch, laughter
The light in another's eyes
The smile on cherished friend's face

Sheltered by the distance
Brought by e-mail and chat
Are we forgetting what it means
To be human?
Acquaintances pass for friends
In worlds with internet harbors
And friends fade to acquaintances
Relationships become too much work
In a society where
Almost any desire
Can seem to be satisfied
In an instant
Are we handing over
The best of what we are
To the soulless machines?
Convinced we are not alone
As we share keystrokes in the dark

Lack-Of-Labor Day

2011-09-05T18:40:00.001-06:00

It has been a nice Labor Day. We managed to take a nice drive on the Alpine Loop, though we almost got hit by people driving down the middle of the road a couple of times. I was amazed to see all the cars parked along the side of the road anywhere they could find even a hint of space. I do not believe I have ever seen so many people up there.

We would likely have tried to go hiking today if Merilee's foot felt better. I'm hoping it gets better before we are supposed to go down to Capitol Reef again. That's only a couple of weeks away and it will be a much longer, more restful break. Even now I am dreading returning to work tomorrow morning. The last three weeks have been incredible stressful and draining, and I am concerned about another week like that, even if it is a short week. At least I have the State Fair to look forward to on Saturday.

Instead of doing anything outdoors other than our drive, we finished watching the extended edition of Return Of The King and just kind of hung out. I did get a few things out into storage and I helped our neighbor clear out a few overly ambitious grape vines, but other than that is has been a fairly lazy day. I hope I sleep well tonight and have an uneventful day tomorrow. Maybe I'll have something more exciting to write about tomorrow as well.

Meet The Marmot

2011-09-04T22:23:00.000-06:00

I really don't have much to say tonight, so I thought I would share a photo. This guy (OK, not sure it was a guy exactly) was not at all camera shy. Merilee and I were parked in one of the areas by the north rim of the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone when we saw him. It was rather early and he was foraging around. He seemed rather unconcerned that I was sitting there taking pictures of him. I didn't get close enough to be a threat, so he just went about his business and let me take photos. Occasionally (as seen here) he would look up at me as if to say, "You're still here?" and then he would go back to eating. It was really quite cool.

Mission Accomplished

2011-09-03T21:20:00.000-06:00

This morning I got up early (I'm running on less than six hours of sleep here, so if this lacks a bit in the coherence department, you'll know why) and started to sort through photos again. I had previously settled on three I wanted to use, but I started to look again and came across one that I had forgotten about that I really liked, so I ended up using it and two I had previously decided on. I printed several more that did not make the cut, though I still really like them. I printed the photos, trimmed them, and mounted them on the mat board. I filled out the entry form and headed up to Salt Lake. We stopped by my parents' house and showed them to my mom before heading off to the fair grounds. Once at the fair grounds, I took them in, paid my fee, and they will be shown in the fair. The girl who helped me with my entry info was very impressed by at least one of the photos, so that was nice. We'll see what happens soon. We plan on going back up to the fair next Saturday.

It was kind of funny this morning. As we were leaving, I realized that I felt the same way I feel when I have a job interview. I was very nervous about entering the photos. Both Merilee and my mom reminded me that part of it was the fact that I am offering up something that I have put a lot of work and effort into for others to judge. I agree with that. Part of it was also that I really want to win a ribbon. I feel silly, but I really want some recognition for my art. I love photography and I think I take some amazing photos, but it would be nice to have some outside recognition. Even better would be having one of my photos selected to be part of the traveling exhibit they put together from the fair entrants. That would be truly amazing; even better than a ribbon. But I really want a ribbon. I keep telling myself that is not likely because I do not want to work myself up to the point that I am disappointed. I try to look at it as a type of gallery showing and let it go at that.

Tonight I also posted some photos to enter a contest the Audubon Society is holding. I entered seven photos (I could have entered eight if I had had that many bird photos I felt were pretty good), one or two of which I personally really like. One is of a red-winged blackbird in flight through the grasses around Utah Lake. I also have a couple of wild turkey photos and a yellow-headed blackbird that are quite good. Here is the red-winged blackbird:

The print is much more impressive. I really do not expect to win anything, but I felt like I should enter, so I did. We'll see if anything comes of it.

And finally, I though I would respond to the NoBloPoMo prompt for today - "How did you feel about the start of the school year growing up?" I was one of those weird kids who looked forward to school every year. I really liked getting all the new supplies and I looked forward to being in school again. By the time school started, I was ready for summer vacation to be over. I always really liked school. It took me eight years to graduate from BYU partly because I just love learning. It's a part of having that sense of wonder I have talked about before. I always have enjoyed learning new things, and I still do. I sometimes wish I could afford to go back to school and get a bachelors in geology. I have even toyed with the idea of online photography courses, but the present financial situation does not allow such luxuries. Anyway, to get back on topic, I was always glad to start a new school year. I actually miss it more often than I will admit.

That's about all for tonight. I am very tired and should be heading to bed. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Pushing The Deadline

2011-09-02T23:03:00.000-06:00

Well, another Friday and another tough night for Timp High Football. I still enjoyed the game and having a night out with Merilee. It was especially nice to unwind after what has been a truly awful week at work. It ended with me being yelled at by an entitled New Jersey resident. Unbelievably bad day. I am very much looking forward to the long weekend.

Tomorrow morning I am taking a couple of photos up to enter the into the Utah State Fair. I am trying to look at this as a way to get my work seen, not to try to win any ribbons, but deep inside it would be really great to win a ribbon. I will confirm here that they have been delivered. Now I will have a very good reason to go to the fair next Saturday. Wish me luck.

Seeing that I need to get up early to get these photos mounted, I better cut this short. Also, I need to get it posted while it is still September 2nd. That makes two deadlines I'm pushing. More tomorrow.

New Month, Round Two

2011-09-01T20:44:00.001-06:00

Here we are, September first. This could end up being a rather good month. Labor Day weekend is this weekend. The Utah State Fair starts next weekend and I am taking up a couple of photos to enter on Saturday. We have a camping trip planned for the 21st (though this may change is Merilee's ankle doesn't get better by then). I have training during work at the end of the month that will take me off of the phone for a couple of days. Then there's my birthday. All in all, it could be a fun one. Now if I can just get through one more day of work.....

I openly admit that yesterday's entry was kind of phoned in, as it were. I just wanted something short and to the point. It was nice to actually accomplish the goal. What I wanted was really big letters, but I had to settle for the largest the blog would allow. It is a bit hard to believe how quickly the month passed now that it is over.

I know this is another slow start, but this week at work has been completely draining and I should really get some sleep.

Day 31

2011-08-31T17:18:00.004-06:00

I DID IT!!!!!

That is all.

Another One Of Those Days

2011-08-30T20:22:00.001-06:00

I think maybe I should start a blog just for writing about work. I could keep in totally private so no one saw it but me and that way I could keep work separate from this blog. I say that because I come to this post having survived another of those difficult days at work. It seems when I could use a nice, calm day the most, I get just the opposite. Today was very stressful and I am very glad it is over. Just three more days until a long weekend, then maybe I can relax.

Tomorrow is the big day for my blog. For the first time ever I will have posted something every day for an entire month (can you tell I am stretching for things to write about tonight?). It shows I can really meet goals I set for myself; I just need to be realistic in setting them. I like to write, so this one was not as difficult to obtain as others (exercise, for example).

The weatherman says we will have a cooler day on Thursday and I am looking forward to it. I am glad that we have not had a repeat of blistering summers of the past, but I am also eagerly anticipating the cool Autumn nights. It will make sleeping easier, for one thing, and I enjoy the warm days followed by the crisp, cool nights. I know I have said it before, but Autumn is my favourite time of year.

Seeing as I really don't have much else to say, I think I will sign off. I hope everyone has a wonderful evening.

A Little Food For Thought

2011-08-29T20:49:00.001-06:00

"There's no permanency in economy that takes a hundred from nature and gives back one. There's no survival value in such an operation, which is certainly the business of systematic and organized looting--the very opposite of making a fair exchange with the earth. Above all, it ignores the ancient doctrine of man's obligation to "quicken" the earth that bears for him. The old Jewish teaching is that Adam had a right only to that portion of the earth that he "quickened", on which he labored with the sweat of his brow. Let us not confuse the ethic of work with the ethic of plunder." - Hugh Nibley

I have just started to read 'Approaching Zion' by Hugh Nibley and I have started to find that there is a very sound doctrinal basis for many of the things I have believed for quite some time now regarding the reckless way so many people treat the earth. Here's another quote, and then I'm calling it a night.

"It is significant that in the oldest traditions and records of the human race all those men who turned against God and man are represented at the same time as making war against the animals, the birds, and the fishes, and destroying the forests and defiling the pure waters. This is told of Satan in the beginning, of Cain, of Ham, of Nimrod, of the Egyptian Seth, of the mad huntsmen of the steppes, of Nebuchadnezzar, of Esau, of Caesar, of Assurbanipal, and so on, all of whom sought dominion over others, over all others, and to achieve it in only one way--by force. The code name for such an order of things and such a program is Babylon." - Hugh Nibley

Family Sunday

2011-08-28T21:23:00.004-06:00

Tonight we spent the evening up with my family up at my parents' house. We do this once a month and it can be quite the event. My mom usually comes up with a theme and everyone brings something. Tonight is was more casual with no real theme. I spent about 90 minutes making a steady stream of quesadillas (my nephew alone ate four with shredded beef). It meant that I spent more time cooking than visiting, but it took a load off my mom. It was a fun night, though not everyone was there this month.

During the drive home, we were treated to quite the fireworks show my mother nature. The lighting in the south end of Utah Valley was quite spectacular. I haven't heard any thunder yet, so I don't know if it is heading this direction or not. It has been awhile since I have seen such strong lightning. It brought to mind the storms that we would sometimes get in North Carolina when I lived there. I would go out at night and watch the lightning dance from cloud to cloud, purple and blue and green and yellow. It always fascinated me to watch it.

Tomorrow morning it's back to work. At least this week I have a long weekend to look forward to. I am hoping it is not quite as draining as the last couple of weeks have been. I am hoping for a good night's sleep tonight. Last night the power went out and I was so concerned about possibly losing thing in the fridge that I could not fall asleep. The power finally returned at about 1:30AM, only to go off again for about 30 minutes. I finally fell asleep some time after 2AM, so I am rather tires tonight and hoping for some sleep. Work seems so much longer when I have not had enough sleep.

Only three more days and I will have succeeded in an entire month of entries. I'll be going for two in a row in September. I think this will soon be a habit. Good night.

Movies And Books

2011-08-27T23:02:00.000-06:00

Tonight we watched the extended edition of The Two Towers. This is the film that Peter Jackson took the most liberties with and I still cannot quite understand why. I am sure I have mentioned before that I do not like what he does with the character of Faramir. In the book, he has no desire for the ring and he stands in stark contrast to his brother, Boromir, who trys to take the ring. The movie turns him into Boromir II in many ways. He is redemmed somewhat at the end of the film, but for me the damage is done by then. Elves at Helm's Deep? The ents initially deciding not to attack Isengard? Rohan hesitant to go to battle? I think not. I know that Jackson made changes to make the films flow "better", or to add excitement, but I still have a hard time with this film, especially this time after having just completed reading the book again. Still, these things have been debated ad infinitum for a long time now, so I should probably just learn to let them go. "It's only a movie, it's only a movie."

Good news....no 'Scott as screw up' dreams last night, or at least none that I remembered this morning. Could it be because I didn't have work today? Who knows, just glad it did not happen.

Merilee and I went to Borders today. I feel kind of bad picking over the remains of a dying business, especially one I have enjoyed so much. I have always liked books and book stores, and now I am relegated to Barnes & Noble. That is not a bad thing, but I wish I knew of a local bookstore that carried a good number of new books. I try to get to the local used book stores when I can because I like to support local businesses, but I will definitely miss Borders. I managed to get a copy of Familyhood by Paul Reiser for just over $10, Kate Bush's Director's Cut CD for $7.99, Anathem by Neal Stephenson for $2.99 (hard bound replacing my paperback copy), and one real find, a book about Spy Magazine (one of my favourites in its time) for a whole 40 cents. I was especially pleased to find the Kate Bush CD.

Tonight as I write this I am enjoying the sound of thunder outside. I am hoping it cools off tonight because it is almost too hot to sleep comfortably; for me, anyway. I like thunder. It is especially amazing while camping in Zion National Park. It just rumbles through the canyon and it can be so loud you can feel it. It is an amazing experience. Tonight's thunder sounds a bit distant, but I am enjoying it none the less.

Four more days.

My Subconscious Hates Me

2011-08-26T22:40:00.000-06:00

OK, so maybe hate is too strong a word, but the other night's flood dream was followed by another weird dream last night. This time I am at home and people start showing up for a meeting that I supposedly agreed to have at my house. The problem is I do not remember setting up the meeting and I am on vacation. The meeting is with clients and I have to hurry and make myself presentable. All the time more and more people keep showing up and I am certain that I am going to lose my job over this.

I seem to go through periods like this where I have one dream after another where I am completing screwing up, or I am in situations where I am in a struggle I have no chance of winning and losing is not a good think at all. It's quite frustrating because I wake up feeling beaten and the day has not even started. Try dealing with angry people all day when you already feel like you can't win. It's not fun. I don't know how long this will continue, or why it even happens, but it is terribly disheartening. At least it is the weekend.

We went to another football game tonight. Timp lost again 31-13 to American Fork, but we had a good time anyway. Next week they play Herriman and we'll be there supporting our neighbor.

Another Short One

2011-08-25T20:44:00.002-06:00

Didn't sleep well last night, so I am extremely tired tonight. I am so glad that only a single work day remains in this week. Only six more until Labor Day weekend. That will be such a nice break. After that, less than three weeks until Capitol Reef and heirloom apples. I can hardly wait. That camping trip still seems a lifetime away tonight.

I hope I can get some restful sleep tonight. I'm not sure how I made it through work after last night. It can be hard enough to deal with people when I am rested, let alone when I can barely keep my eyes open. Last night I kept having dreams that I was in house where water kept coming in from under the baseboards. I was trying to save stuff while I watched things I liked (book, photo albums, comics, etc) get soaked to the point I knew they were ruined, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was horribly frustrating and I woke up feeling like I had actually lived my dreams all night. I can really do without something like that tonight.

Into The Final Stretch

2011-08-24T20:29:00.001-06:00

One more week to go in my grand experiment in blogging. With the end now in sight, I'm sure (barring any unforeseen catastrophe) I will make it through and finish out the month. Looking back a bit, I'm not entirely sure how productive it has been beyond forcing me to actually sit down and write. That, in itself, is a good thing.

I'm struggling with a few things this evening. One is deciding what to say in this post, but the others will remain unnamed for now. I'm not certain how I will resolve these struggles. Destinations have never been a problem for me. I can see where I want to be clear as day, but I have always had a hard time seeing the path. I don't know if it is because I let worries and fear cloud my way, or if I just lack faith, but it has always been hard for me to just strike out and let what happens happen. I think a lot of that comes from the results of the first great chance I took in my life; getting married the first time. That ended very painfully and now I have a habit of wanting to make sure everything is just right before taking any kind of chance. I do not take disappointment well, so I tend to shy away from any chance that it will occur. That's probably more than I should share, but that's what is on my mind at the moment.

It has been another long, trying day and I am quite tired, so I think I will end here. Here's hoping for a nicer day Thursday.

Tired Tuesday

2011-08-23T20:02:00.000-06:00

Nothing like ending a day at work by spending an extra 15 minutes or so filing a complaint. Two minutes before my shift ends, and I get a complaint call. My job is nothing if not unpredictable in its predictability.

So I have been wracking my brain for almost an hour now trying to decide what to write and I have come to the conclusion that I just don't have much to say today. I'm tired, brain dead, and ready for a read and some sleep. I know that makes for a dull, boring entry and that it hardly counts, but I did write, so I am counting it =) It's hard to believe, but in eight days I will have written something here for an entire month. Who knows, I may just keep going!

Another Monday

2011-08-22T21:10:00.000-06:00

Yet another Monday has come and (mercifully) gone. I keep trying to change my attitude toward my job, but then I have a day like today and I have to start trying all over again. After today, I wanted to start adding, 'It's not my fault' to my call intro. 'My name is Scott. Remember, it is not my fault. How may I help you?' Not much longer and everything may change. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and holding out for Labor Day and camping in September and October. I can certainly use the rejuvenation.

In the 'If it sounds to good to be true....' department, Merilee saw an add in the Thrifty Nickel for a house in Santaquin for $49,000. She called the number and today found out that it is a manufactured home in the worst trailer park in Santaquin. Payments on the house would be about $600 per month, but there is also $200 per month for the lot. Needless to say, we decided to pass on this one. Looks like we are doomed to be apartment dwellers for life.

Well, that's about it for tonight. Nothing exciting, I'm afraid. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Metaphors And Allegory In Church

2011-08-21T21:26:00.000-06:00

"But I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done so since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence. I much prefer history, true or feigned, with its varied applicability to the thought and experience of readers. I think many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author." - J.R.R. Tolkien

It seems to me that if you are going to use a story as a metaphor, or create one to be allegorical (by the way, I agree with Tolkien about allegory), you must make your story comply with the given facts you are trying to mirror and have it based in reality. You cannot create a new set of only vaguely related facts and force a comparison. The reason I even bring this up is because we had a talk in church where the speaker shared a story that I, personally, feel was rather inappropriate.

In summary, the story tells of a world-wide plague that grows quickly from one isolated area until it begins to circle the globe (the fact that the last place it arrives is the US is rather contrived in my opinion, but then so is the whole story). The plague is 100 percent lethal. Doctors in the US discover a way to cure the plague, but it requires the blood of someone who is free of infection. People are all tested and a young boy ends up having the correct type. The doctors tell his parents that they must sign a release for the doctors to take the child's blood....all of it. For the good of all, the parents do so and try to explain to the boy why he must be sacrificed for the good of everyone. After the cure is made and the plague is conquered, the parents are dismayed when the world forgets the sacrifice their child made.

The speaker has shared this story...and it is much more detailed and longer that what I have shared...in talks during church twice. His stated reason is that it illustrates that we should think of Christ always. My objection lies in the way the story is not based in reality, it manipulates emotions, and it does not really apply to the sacrifice Christ made for us. For one, he knew who he was and he knew what he was here to do. He made the decision fully aware of what the Father required of him. The story uses a boy who has no idea what is going on until his parents explain it to him. They make the choice, not the son. The doctors would never have taken all the child's blood, so it is deceiving in its message. Yes, a sacrifice is made for the good of all, but the circumstances are so vastly different that the story serves no purpose in my mind. It is simply designed to elicit an emotional response, and I find that inappropriate. I could not sit through it a second time, but had to get up and leave. Make the person an adult, who is allowed to make the decision of his own free will, and the story makes sense, but it loses its emotionality because the victim (and I cannot think of another way to describe a child consigned to death by his parents) is no longer someone we see as inherently innocent. I don't mind stories with messages...church talks are often filled with them...but stories designed to manipulate me emotionally are valueless to me. Besides, isn't coercion Satan's way?

I know that there are those who may vehemently disagree with me. I know that many people may find the story moving, but to me it clearly falls into Tolkien's definition of allegory. The author's will is imposed on the listener and conclusions are drawn for the listener, not by the listener. There is a big difference to me between being emotionally assaulted and feeling the Spirit. This story was the first, not the latter. Personally, I hope to never hear it again. I am incredibly thankful for the Savior's sacrifice for me, but this story is so far from what He did for us that it does not apply, but rather detracts from the speaker's message.

And The Damage Comes To....

2011-08-20T22:08:00.002-06:00

You would think I would know better than to go to a book sale, but today I went to the Friends Of The Library book sale at the Provo Library and walked away about $25 poorer, but much richer in printed materials. Merilee and I both help set up for the sale, and I promise myself that I will not spend much money adding to the library we already have, but I always find something I can't seem to leave behind. Today's finds included an old copy of Henry Esmond by William Makepeace Thackery (I enjoyed Vanity Fair, but have never read anything else), Phineas Redux by Anthony Trollope, Collected Stories by Graham Greene, and a hard bound, illustrated copy of The Patchwork Girl Of Oz by L. Frank Baum (a reproduction of the old editions of these books I enjoyed as a kid). We also found seven Tony Hillerman novels that we did not have. We are now missing only three of his Navajo mysteries. They are some of Merilee's favourites. I find myself looking forward to these sales because they are like treasure hunts, and I never feel guilty because these sales help fund the children's programs at the library and we are buying books. Merilee and I are both avid readers, so I never feel guilty adding to our personal library, as long as I know that they are books we will enjoy. The next one is in November, so I have some time to save up money for the book fund. Now I just have to put these books away.

Tonight I had to call Qwe...make that, Century Link customer service because my internet connection was down. Little did I realize how time consuming that would be. First, I had to redo all the things I had already tried (obviously the tech was working from a script...love outsourcing), and then when the connection came back up, she kept me on the phone for almost 20 minutes while she 'analyzed' the line. Then she tells me there is a wiring problem and a tech will come out on the 25th. She adds that if the problem is outside the apartment, there will be no charge, but if it is inside, then it will cost me $85. Guess what? I don't foresee allowing anyone inside if it is going to cost me $85. I'll deal with the intermittent problems until we are out of here. At least with Qwest it sounded like the customer support technicians were local. I certainly hope I do not have to call customer support again for a very, very long time. At least I have internet again tonight so I can keep the streak alive.

That's about it for tonight. I think I'll go read and drop off to sleep. Night everyone.

Retraction....

2011-08-20T00:00:00.001-06:00

....or apology for last night's rant. It had been one of those days and I let something trivial get to me. Everything kind of came together and I boiled over. It never should have happened, and I should have just walked away. It all resulted in a major bit of childishness on my part. I know who my real friends are and I in no way wanted to imply that they had let me down. Upon reflection, I knew what I was getting into when I entered that MACU contest on FB, and it was asking a bit much for people to open themselves up to who knows what kind of advertising from MACU just to vote for a photo. I apologize for my pettiness.

Just wanted to share that. Thanks for listening.

Friday Night Lights

2011-08-19T22:59:00.003-06:00

Tonight, for the first time since....well, high school...I went to a high school football game. Our neighbor coaches at Timpanogos and their first game of the season was at Lehi tonight. It was the perfect excuse to go out and watch some football. It was a lot of fun, even though Lehi won (it never hurts to have a little help from your friends in the zebra suits), and I am sure we'll go to see more games. I look forward to the ones when it starts getting cool in the evening; real football weather.

The game brought back a lot of memories for me. For one, if I had casually strolled up to the line of scrimmage like Lehi's center did, my butt would have been getting splinters from riding the bench. I remember how much fun it was to play and how focused I used to get on what was going on around me on the field and nothing else. I also remember playing a game against a local 3A school we had never beaten and promising myself that their star linebacker would not make a single tackle when he was my responsibility....and he didn't. We didn't lose to them that year. The game ended in a tie, but it was as good as a victory for us, the pesky little 2A school. Ah, the glory days of my youth.

I really enjoy football and this is the first game I have seen in almost three years. We don't have cable or satellite TV and have not had them since May of 2009. That has made it a bit difficult to watch any football. It is one of those things I used to use to kind of escape for awhile, and I do miss it. Knowing how much my wife dislikes television has been a big reason why I have not tried to get it back, but who knows; maybe this fall I'll break down and sign up again. Probably not.

Throwing In The Towel

2011-08-18T20:30:00.003-06:00

I deleted my photo from the Facebook credit union photo contest. After five days, it had 50 points, and 20 of them were from me. If I learned anything, it is that most of my Facebook friends are friends only in the loosest possible meaning of the word. I know that may sound harsh, but I had hoped for a bit more. I had hoped to have more than 50 points by now. I'll be honest; I probably (OK, definitely) set my expectations much too high, but it has disappointed me much more than I thought it would. I feel fundamentally rejected, and that is not the way I should feel. So rather than torture myself further...and to avoid looking at the garish HDR photo of Timp that is leading right now (the colours are really unnatural in my opinion)...I removed mine from the popularity contest. I may have over 100 'friends' on Facebook, but I don't seem to have many real friends there.

This is not a very good evening for me. I feel a lot of frustration and disappointment, and other than the stupid photo thing, I don't know why. I have one more day of work before the weekend, and right now the thought of eight more hours dealing with rude people on the phone really makes me want to crawl in a hole. I keep wondering what I am supposed to be learning from the whole situation, and I can't put a finger on anything. I am normally a very compassionate guy, but being treated like something stuck to the bottom of their shoe by people on a daily basis really wears on you. At least it wears on me. Some people can just let it go, but I don't know how to harden myself against it, and I am pretty sure I don't want to become that kind of a person. I know that this is mostly just 'one of those days' and things will not always be this way, but right now I have had just about as much as I can take, but I am certain I will take more because it is my job and I have to have an income.

Now that I have had my little whine-fest, I'm going to go for tonight. It's for the best.

Lucky FInds

2011-08-17T21:09:00.002-06:00

Tonight, while getting groceries at Macey's, we discovered a cart in the produce area where they had three full boxes of bananas for $2.99 each. We're talking at least 20 pounds of bananas. We have some drying in the dehydrator now and Merilee will be drying more with her mom and sister-in-law tomorrow. I ate one right after we got home and they are good bananas, but they are riper than you usually find in the store. I guess that is why they were selling them so cheap. It was one of those deals you just can't pass up. We'll have enough dried bananas to last many camping trips. Too bad we don't have a big freezer because we could freeze some as well.

Cool Canyon Air

2011-08-16T20:19:00.001-06:00

Tonight we took a short drive up to the Squaw Peak Overlook and I was surprised at how quickly the air got cooler as the road climbed up. I expected it to be a bit cooler, but this was really nice, cool air. I wanted to get out of the car and wander along a trail, just breathing the air in and enjoying being outdoors, but Merilee's ankle is still not up hiking. We had to be satisfied with a drive tonight. It was a reminder that Autumn is not far away and soon the tree will begin to put on their colours.

The cool air was also a reminder of just how fast the year is passing. It is hard to believe that we are almost 2/3 of the way through 2011. I haven't looked at the goals I set back in January, so it is probably safe to say that I may not being doing so well on some of them. I'll have to take a peek at those some time this week.

I'm really struggling to come up with anything to say tonight. It has just been one of those days. Maybe I'll feel more talkative tomorrow.

Another Monday

2011-08-15T21:32:00.002-06:00

Only 14 more work days until Labor Day Weekend! It's kind of sad that my weekdays have become almost just something to get through until the weekends. Mondays are actually easier for me than Fridays because by Friday, I am so ready for the work week to be over that the day just seems to drag. Today was very busy, but at least no one yelled at me. I still finished feeling mentally drained, but not enough to keep me from grilling salmon for dinner. Hot coals and a little Cajun seasoning and culinary perfection in nearly obtained.

Tonight we finished watching the extended edition of The Fellowship Of The Ring. This is the first time I have seen the film so soon after reading the book. I really enjoy all the films, but I object to the way the film weakens Aragorn as a character. The doubt-filled character of the films lacks some of the heroism of the book in my opinion. I have had to remind myself to just enjoy the film and spend time comparing the two (for example, Moria was always Gandalf's plan in the book, but Aragorn insisted they try Caradhras first). I could have spent the whole time pointing out differences if I had wanted to. The books are like dear old friends to me, so I can never escape some comparisons, but the films are enjoyable in their own right as films. We'll watch The Two Towers after I finish the book again.

The Facebook photo contest is proving to be a flop for me. It is basically just a popularity contest and I find that while I have quite a few 'friends' on Facebook, almost none of them are willing to vote for me. I have half a mind to delete the photo and bag the whole thing. I might have a chance if the photo was judged on its merits, but not so much this way. I have 30 points and 15 of them are from my own votes.

I think I am done for tonight. Evening all!

Two Weeks....So Far, So Good

2011-08-14T21:37:00.003-06:00

I'm sad to see another weekend draw to a close. It has been an interesting day. I scanned some of the first photos I ever took of Arches for my book. I had forgotten how much I like some of those early photos and they brought back some great memories. I even found a picture of Wall Arch which collapsed not long ago. It's not great, but it's cool to have. It is also great to have a quicker way to scan photos. My old flat bed scanner took such a long time. I can do four photos at higher dpi in the same amount of time as it used to take for one.

This entry marks the end of the second week and I have not missed a day yet. Only 17 days to go. I am looking forward to the end of August because it means that the fall is that much closer. I am grateful that this summer has not been quite as hot as summers past, but I look forward to cooler days.

Yesterday we went on the Alpine Loop for a bit. Our main reason was to buy a new National Parks Pass, but it was interesting to see how much snow remains on the back side of Timp. From the looks of it, the trail up from Aspen Grove may very well still require walking over snow. I can only imagine what it looks like up at the top. I hope to get the chance to hike part of the trail before the snow flies again, but Merilee's ankle is still bothering her, so we'll have to see. I am excited to see how colourful the leaves get this Autumn.

It's getting late and I do have to work tomorrow, so I'll so farewell until tomorrow.

Photography

2011-08-13T23:23:00.001-06:00

It looks like I will actually enter a couple of photos into the Utah State Fair this year. This is something I have been threatening to do for several years (as I mentioned back in January when I made my goals for the year), but it looks like this year will be the year. I received a little outside motivation today to begin moving things along. I know at least one person will be looking for my photos on display at the fair. I was given a new way to look at the whole thing as well. It is like being on display in a gallery. The exposure is the key thing; not winning a ribbon. Just being there where thousands of people can see my work will be a reward in itself. Now I just have to decide on what I am going to submit. That could easily be the hardest part of the process.

I also entered a photo into a contest tonight. It is sponsored by a local credit union and it relies a lot on votes through Facebook. I don't have thousands of Facebook friends, but it would be nice to have a decent showing. We'll see how that one comes out. This is the photo I entered.

Yesterday my copy of a photo book I had made for my dad arrived and I am still really pleased with the results. You can see it here: Yellowstone Photo Book. It helps motivate me to complete the Arches book I have been playing around with for some time now. There is something very satisfying about seeing my work bound in a book. It makes me want to see more, and to share more. I am obviously biased, but I really like the way my photos look. This October I have some definite areas I want to photograph in Arches, and then I can assemble everything and get it printed. I'm still working on text, but I can work on that while I gather the photos I want to use and before I get the last few.

Well, I better get this posted or today will be tomorrow and I will have missed a day in August. Until tomorrow then.

Gratitude

2011-08-12T20:51:00.001-06:00

Some things I am grateful for (in no particular order):

1. Books; real paper books, not the electronic things that are some popular of late. There is nothing like breaking open an old friend and losing yourself in the familiar words.

2. A job. Yes, I do not like mine much (especially after a week like this last one), but I have one and for that I am very grateful.

3. Wild places, especially those I go to when I need to rejuvenate; places like Arches, Zion, Bryce, Canyonlands, Capitol Reef, Grand Teton, and Yellowstone National Parks, as well as the wild lands that are all around us.

4. My camera. It's my main creative outlet and I very much enjoy taking photos.

5. Music. I don't listen to music as much as I used to, but it is still very important to me. The radio is always on in the car. It might make work easier to deal with, but I'm not allowed to have it playing in the background.

6. Seasons. Autumn tends to be my favourite because of the colours on the trees. I especially enjoy those warm autumn days followed by crisp nights. Besides, it's the time I always go to Arches. Still, I am glad for the change as the year progresses.

7. My wife and my kids. Life would be so much poorer without them.

8. Sleep. Nothing quite like it after a long, hard day.

9. A sense of wonder. I have know too many people who have become so jaded that they cannot feel wonder at the world around them. I can be jaded with the best of them, but the sight of a bird circling in the thermals can still make me stop and stare.

10. My parents. The most wonderful people I know.

11. Imagination. Close kin to a sense of wonder and something I have let lie dormant for way too long.

12. Weekends. Need I say more?

That will do for now, I think. Let the weekend begin!

Thursday

2011-08-11T20:27:00.000-06:00

It's Thursday night and I feel like I have gone a couple rounds with a boxer. This week has been a banner week for irate people at work, including today, and I cannot wait for the day to end tomorrow so I can relax a bit for the weekend. I'm tired of being a convenient target. It make for very long days. Here's hoping tomorrow is angry caller free.

I've been thinking about my birthday a lot lately. I don't know what it is about turning 47 that bothers me, but it does. None of the others have bothered me, but this one does. I think some of it may be the fact that I am in a bit of a dead end job with no other prospects at the moment. I don't know for sure. All I know is that I am not looking forward to it much.

I am 11 days into August and I have been questioning the quality of some of my posts. Admittedly, I have done a couple that have been 100% pure, USDA prime filler. I find myself questioning how successful this experiment will be if I just write drivel all month long. As a result, I am going to focus my efforts and write something worth writing. There will still be days when work wears my brain down to a stub and I say little, but I'm determined that there will be far fewer in the final 20 days than there have been so far.

Here's a parting shot from Zion National Park. It was a bit hazy that morning, but I still like the result. I hope everyone enjoys it.

Psychic I'm Not

2011-08-10T19:37:00.000-06:00

It amazes me sometimes the kinds of people who expect you to be able to read their minds. I work in customer service and today I had a call from an individual who started off angry and then got more upset when I did not anticipate their every need. I got accused of providing bad customer service because I responded to what was asked for, not to what they really wanted. I also get calls where it is like pulling teeth to get at what the caller wants. It's not that they don't know what they want, they just seem to want you to drag it out of them. It can get quite challenging, not to mention rather draining. There is nothing quite like being yelled at for something that is not your fault to make you want to get up and walk away, but I don't. After all, it's my job.

For those wondering, the answer is no, I did not get up and exercise. I did not sleep well so I stayed in bed as long as possible. I'll try again tomorrow (and no Yoda quotes please).

Tired

2011-08-09T20:24:00.001-06:00

Tonight I feel tired; not just the normal kind of tired, but the deep, to the bone tired. I feel tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. Part of it is that I did not sleep well at all last night, part of it is dealing with other people's problems all day, and part of it is just feeling like I need to get away. Our next camping trip is planned for September 21 down in Capitol Reef, but I wish it was going to be for more that just four days. At least there is Arches to look forward to in October as well.

I have been trying to get myself motivated enough to get up earlier in the morning and go exercise. The biggest problem I seem to have is that I look forward to my job so much (I love the smell of sarcasm in the morning) that I have a hard time getting up before I absolutely have to. In many ways, it is like I am trying to hide from the day as long as I possibly can. I know that if I could get myself in the habit of doing it, it would not be as much of a problem. I just cannot seem to get started. Getting cellulitis in my leg did not help matters any. I keep setting the clock and ignoring it in the morning. It's pathetic, really.

I think I'm going to call it a day a little early tonight and see if I can get better sleep tonight. Who know, maybe I'll actually get up and exercise tomorrow and have something exciting to share here. Wish me luck.

Give This One A Miss. Really.

2011-08-08T20:31:00.000-06:00

No need for anyone to spend much time on this post. The only reason I'm really doing this tonight is to keep the streak alive and meet my goal. Tonight I'm afraid if I started sharing what is uppermost in my mind, I would regret it later. So to keep the goal alive, I present this fairly meaningless post. I'll make up for it later, I promise, but tonight....this is all I can muster.

Writing

2011-08-07T19:36:00.000-06:00

Today I spent some time working on my Arches book. I have gone through many of my photos and picked those I liked most. I still have some to go through and I plan on taking more in October. I have some very specific areas I want to catch when we go back. I also spent some time working on the prose portion. I have made more progress on this book in the last month or so than I have made in any period since I decided to do this. It's encouraging. I may actually get it completed before the end of the year and I will meet one big goal I set for myself. I am trying to get the prose written before I start assembling everything. If I can get this done, I really think it will be the push that gets me working on other projects. It also makes me want to head back to Arches right now.

That's really all I have for tonight, so I guess I'll sign off.

The American Dream?

2011-08-06T22:57:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about our next home. We plan on moving shortly after June of 2012. My wife hates this apartment and is totally sick of living here. If she had her choice, we would leave tomorrow. The problem is, moving is an expensive proposition and we are not in a position to do so at the drop of a hat. Thus the June date because, by then, we should be able to afford to move. I will be done with child support and we will have another $200/month to use.

While we will likely be looking for another apartment, I find myself wishing more and more that we could buy a place of our own. Frankly, I am tired of moving and want to find someplace I can call home and truly mean it. I want someplace where we can have a dog and a garden; someplace we can make changes to and truly make it our own. With my previous employer, that was a real possibility. Now, not so much. On my current salary, we are lucky to have the place we have now because it is within our means, but I still find myself wishing there was some way we could afford a house. We have looked into a couple of programs, but I have no idea where to start and the information we have found online has been confusing at best. I also continue to look for work that would pay me more money, but jobs I qualify for are scarce and I have had no luck in that direction. There is even this nice place for sale at a really reasonable price not too far from where we are at that we both like, but it remains as out of reach for us as if it were a $250,000 home on the hillside.

Adding to our frustration is the fact that we feel very good about the LDS ward we are in, we love our neighbors just south of us, and we feel like we are where we should be for now. I'm not certain what that means, exactly, because even I grow weary of the baleful looks we often receive from our landlord's kids. I probably shouldn't say that here, but it is the truth. Where we are at, we often feel more like a burden than valued tenants. We are good tenants. We pay rent on time, we are not overly loud, and we do not complain to our landlords constantly. We even did virtually all of the clean up when their water heater leaked and started to flood our living room. My wife sopped up and vacuumed up water for hours, and even did what it took to save the carpet in the living room, rather than force our landlords to have someone come do it as many tenants would likely have done. Our lack of complaining may be why we still have the fridge we were told was only temporary back in 2008, as well as the toilet and stove we were told at one time they would replace. Don't get me wrong; they are not terrible landlords, but they have not followed through on many of the things they have told us they would do. That is part of why we are planning on leaving, and while we would love to buy a home, for us the American Dream is more like an American Pipe Dream and it frustrates me to no end. I hope and pray that as the time draws near, we will find the place we are supposed to be and that we will be very happy there. I just do not see how that will be in our own home.

I really don't mean to complain, and if I have been through this before here (I didn't take the time to check if this was reworked material or not) I apologize, but it helps to get it out a bit. I guess in many ways I may just be going through a midlife crisis. I'll be 47 on September 28, and I am nowhere near where I thought I would be by now. I don't even have a career or job I enjoy to help make things easier, though I am very thankful I do have a job. It has really been weighing heavily on me lately, tonight more than others for some reason.

With that, I think I better call it quits.

A Few Random Thoughts

2011-08-05T20:20:00.000-06:00

Tony Blair once said something to the effect that it is sometimes better to lose and be right than to win and be wrong. Just a thought in light of recent events in Washington. Thus ends the political commentary here.

I found out today that my sick day on Wednesday is going to be unpaid, even though I still have unscheduled time off. It seems to me that our PTO policy at work needs a little work. It seems it is set up to make it almost impossible to take a proper vacation should one so choose. Oh well. Not much I can do about it.

Speaking of work, my lifeline may have been cut. Without going into too many details, I was set to change responsibilities somewhat on October 17. I was looking forward to this change very much because I would be losing many of the responsibilities that make my job so difficult for me sometimes. That change has now been pushed back until April of 2012. Though it looks like some changes will still occur in October, it was unclear if I will lose the parts I don't like so much. Now I'll have to wait and see.

My leg is getting better, slowly. It is still swollen and warm to the touch, but it doesn't hurt much at all and I can walk around with only very minor discomfort. Thanks go out to my mom, who put together an herbal mixture that has been very helpful in the past; my sister, who drove her down to Provo to bring it to me; and my wife, who has been putting it in to capsules. I am extremely grateful to them all.

With that said, I should really get my leg up; meaning it's time to head off to bed. I'll like read awhile because I am not yet tired, but my leg could use the rest. With tomorrow being Saturday, I hope to write something longer. Five down, 26 more to go.

Discipline

2011-08-04T20:32:00.000-06:00

I almost forgot again tonight. That's twice in four days. I guess that's not too surprising as it is still new.

One of the main reasons I decided to do this every-day-in-August experiment is to try to instill some discipline. I figure that if I can get myself to write here every day, I can get myself to write other things as well and maybe, as a result, some of the ideas I have floating around in my head will actually make it onto paper, as it were. If I can establish a habit of writing, even just a little, every day then I believe I can continue it well past August. That is one of my hopes, anyway. Another is that I will actually start having more ideas again. Writing is something I have let slide for too long and now I find myself sometimes wondering if I have lost that particular talent. This month I aim to find out.

So please forgive the short entries as this grand experiment starts. As the days pass, I am sure they will get longer and more interesting. At least I hope they will. For now, it's four days and counting. Anything is an accomplishment at this point.

Late Night Trial

2011-08-03T20:04:00.000-06:00

Tonight I can't say that the last 24 hours has not been eventful. Last night, shortly after finishing up here, I had another flare-up of cellulitis. I always know when these attacks are coming on. From the time I started feeling it, I was just hoping I was feeling tired and that what I knew was happening was not really happening. By about 9:30PM last night, I was shivering under my blankets with fever. I knew what was happening and I spent the next little while in prayer, pleading that this would pass quickly and that I would not have a serious case. In the past, I have had my leg swell up to almost twice its normal size and each step was a new experience in pain. While laying down with my leg elevated, it was not too bad, but when I had to put my foot down to walk somewhere, it was excruciating. I did not want to go through that again, and I did not want to miss work. In my fevered delirium, I kept praying for my leg to be healed and for the fever to go down. After about 40 minutes, the fever came down and I was able to get some sleep, though not much. I know my prayers were answered because I have not had the swelling I have had in the past and my leg has not been as painful as with past episodes. I ended up missing work because I got very little sleep and I woke up with a terrible headache to go with the cellulitis. I still had a fever as well, though it was nowhere near as bad as it had been. I could not afford to miss work, but I was not well enough to go either. By resting today, it looks like my leg will be well enough tomorrow that I can work and I will only have one day without pay. I am very grateful that it has not been worse.

There have been times recently when I felt that my prayers went unheard; that I was somehow forgotten or had somehow made too many mistakes to matter anymore. Last night showed me that is not the case. From past experience, I know it could have been so much worse and it wasn't. My prayers were heard and answered, and for that I am most thankful.

Harder Than Anticipated

2011-08-02T20:40:00.002-06:00

When I decided to write here every day this month, I thought the hardest thing about it would be remembering to do it. I'm finding that having something to say is definitely harder. My brain feels so depleted by the time I finish work that an evening's vegetation is definitely attractive. Still, part of why I wanted to try to do this is to fight the brain drain, as it were; force myself to think creatively, critically, or at all. The fact that I am remembering to do this is an accomplishment. Now I need to exercise the grey matter as well.

That's is not likely to happen tonight. I have been trying to think of some insight I may have had today; any light-bulb moments. Try as I might, nothing comes to mind. Maybe tomorrow will be more productive. In the meantime, I think I will go dive into The Fellowship Of The Ring until I am ready to sleep.

What a slow start.

Operation Blog, Day 1

2011-08-01T21:15:00.001-06:00

It's funny. I had just shut down my computer for the evening when I remembered that I had committed to writing here every day this month. It's typical that I almost forgot on the very first day! It's my last few months in microcosm. No worries, though, as I started the ol' laptop to leave a few words here.

Tonight Merilee and I went to the grand prize drawing for Provo City Library's Summer Reading Program. We have participated for the last three years and we go to the drawing not expecting to win anything, but to just have a little free fun. Tonight we were both amazed by winning door prizes. I got $5 to a local cocoa/cupcake establishment and Merilee won a nice water bottle. It was a very pleasant surprise for us both. No, no Nook for us this year, but then the e-book thing still has not sucked me in. I like holding a book and reading words on paper too much still, I guess. It was a fun hour spent at the library.

That's about all for tonight. It's a start. And that is saying something.

Study In Futility?

2011-07-30T23:35:00.000-06:00

I was just looking at the stats that Blogger conveniently posts for us now and I noticed that, based on that information, I am essentially alone in this endeavor. While that does not surprise me to any great extent (OK, not at all would be closer to the truth), it is still somewhat disheartening. It would be nice to have at least the occasional reader stumble upon my meanderings, but I guess my tags just don't bring about many hits, or are not very interesting. Oh well, so it goes. That doesn't mean my new-found determination to post here has been lost, just that I hope no one's definition of insanity includes writing to one's self.

I was trying to think of brilliant ways to get myself to write here, and I thought about the 'picture of the day' approach, but that has been done before (and often to death). I have settled on simply reminding myself to do it and hope that works. Since I appear to mostly be writing to myself, I am going to write for myself. Who knows, some day I may be glad that I did. That said, I will still likely include photos as photography is something I enjoy doing. It is my main creative outlet, along with writing, and I try to improve each time I bring out my camera. I hope anyone who may come across this entry will enjoy the photo of Arches I have included. It's one of my favourite places in the world, and this is from an area that I don't think many people visit. If you really want to know where it is, I'll tell, but I'm not volunteering at this point.

I began my activities this evening posting to another unread blog I set up in an effort to keep my political ramblings out of this one. I had last posted to it back in April..........of 2010. Let's just say that there has been enough frustration in the past 15 months that I did not need to get myself riled up any more writing about it, at least not in a blog. My representatives in Washington know of my frustration if they, and not just their staff, have actually read anything I have sent their way. Still, I find it is good to get some of that frustration out here as well. I enjoy writing, and I realize that I need to no longer let little things dissuade me from doing it.

So while I may have dismissed the thought of the daily new photo approach, I have decided that my goal for August is to post something....anything....each day of the month. I hope it will get me back in the habit of writing and away from that $%^&$#@ Facebook where I waste waaaaay too much time (just ask my wife). I welcome anyone interested in joining me for the journey (or experiment, whichever way you look at it) and hope it with be rewarding (or at least a pleasant curiosity) for us all. See you on Monday (if not tomorrow).

Still Here

2011-07-17T02:13:00.000-06:00

Long time, no post. Truth is, I have had much that I could write about--trips to Zion and Capitol Reef, among other things--but I just have not had it in me to actually write about anything. I've been at a bit of a low ebb of late and that does not lend itself to anything like writing a blog. Tonight I decided that the only way I am EVER going to get going again is to just start writing whatever happens to flow. So here I am at almost 2AM finally trying to get back on the horse, as it were, wondering what will come pouring out as I sit here typing.

The good news is that my job will be changing somewhat in October. It is a change I was hoping for and I believe it will remove some of the stress compared to what I am doing now. Time will tell. If I can just make it through to the end of September, we have another trip to Capitol Reef planned and that should be fun. I can't wait to taste some of those heirloom apples again. Then in October we are heading back to Arches.

As I mentioned, we made a trip to Zion National Park back in April and had a good time, though we cut things short a bit due to an impending storm. We had originally planned a long trip down to Chaco, Hovenweep, and Mesa Verde, but that didn't work out. In June, we had planned to go to the Tetons, but when we read that the trails were still mostly packed with snow, we checked weather forecasts and, based on lowest high temperatures, decided to head to Capitol Reef instead. We cut that trip short due to heat. The second day we were there it was 102 and we spent a whole lot of time just sitting in the shade trying to keep cool and me trying to photograph the birds. We were also plagued by almost continuous clouds of gnats. Needless to say, we decided that any future trips to Capitol Reef need to be in September or later.

Lately I have found myself rather jealous of people who are able to do something they love for a living. I have been trying to discover ways where I might start making money with photography, but it seems that the advent of digital cameras has made that even more difficult. I have entered some photography contests and have tried to promote my Flickr site a bit, but no luck thus far. Part of my problem is that I can see where I would like to be, I just cannot seem to find a way there. It is something I have struggled with for a long time. I am very grateful to have a job at a time when so many people are without work, and I know many people do things they do not like because they need the work. I just wish I could do something that I enjoyed, something I felt fulfilled doing. I'm almost 47 and I am back where I was 14 years ago. I want a place of my own, someplace Merilee and I can call our home, so bad I can taste it, yet our circumstances are such that it remains out of our reach. I want someplace to settle down; someplace I can have a dog and a garden without it being trashed by unthinking, uncaring truants. This is part of why I haven't written lately. There has been a lot of frustration and who wants to read someone complaining?

Anyway, it's getting late and this restart is beginning a steady downward spiral, so I think I will try to get some sleep and try this again another day. Maybe I'll even share a photo or two next time. All I can say is please bear with me and, sooner or later, things are bound to get more interesting. At least I hope so. OK, time for bed before I lapse into complete incoherence.

A Brief Entry After A Not So Brief Absence

2011-04-10T01:33:00.000-06:00

It has been another long time away. So far this year has seen Merilee and I trade off being sick for most of February and March, our first shot at spring camping canceled due to weather, and our landlord's water heater spewing water throughout our laundry room and living room as it went through its death throes, resulting in much labor and inconvenience for us. Needless to say, while there may have been much to talk about, I have not often been in the mood to do so. Even this brief description of the past months brings up more frustration than I bargained for. I have found myself envious of people who love what they do for a living and exasperated by people who seem to prey on the good natures of others. I have felt great sorrow over the lack of regard some people have for things that are irreplaceable and more than a little anger at those who would distort the truth or resort to pure fabrication in an effort to get what they want. These months have been more conducive to rants than anything constructive, so I have stayed away from collecting those thoughts. There were times I sat down intending to unleash my latest round of frustration here, only to walk away certain that what I would say was probably best left unsaid. I say this much only by way of explanation.

Now that I have that out of the way, we are relieved that the government decided a shut down was not in the country's best interest because our trip to Zion National Park next week will not be canceled as a result. The weather looks like it will be ideal so far, and we are looking forward to this chance to get away and rejuvenate a bit. I find myself needing to commune with nature. We shall see if it comes to pass. The way the year has gone so far, I will not be certain the trip will take place until the tent is up in our site in Zion. I try to look at the positive side of things, but we have had to deal with so much negative that it is hard to get past.

So I look at this entry as a new start, of sorts. I am trying to put the last 12 weeks behind me and look forward. Wish me luck. Better yet, wish me success and pleasant trip.

Land Grabs, Choke Holds, and Other Empty Rhetoric

2011-01-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am feeling rather dispirited. I find myself living in a state that has been graced with some of the most amazing and unique natural places on the planet, but is led by those who seem to see only dollar signs when they look at these places. They either want to sell them all off to the highest bidder for development or exploitation by mining and energy interest, or they seem to want to allow people on wheels, spewing exhaust, run rampant across them. I live in a state where the ORV interests seem to want access to ever square inch of public land with no regard to those of us who seek solitude in some of these places, and solitude is hard to come by when bombarded by the whine of engines. Don't get me wrong, I do not advocate closing off all lands to ORVs. I have used four-wheelers before and enjoyed myself. I just object to being characterized as some kind of 'radical environmental elitist' (direct quote from Sen. Orrin Hatch) simply because I believe there are places in Utah that deserve to be protected for all generations and for all people; places that deserve to not be scarred by tracks left by indiscriminate ORV users.

According to an Op-Ed piece published in the Salt Lake Tribune on Jan. 12, "about 80 percent of BLM lands in Utah are open for drilling. Yet industry isn’t biting. Through FY 2009, nearly 5 million ares of BLM lands in Utah were under lease, yet only 1,092,640 acres were actually in production, a disparity that exists West-wide. In fact, oil and gas companies now hold leases on over 32.5 million acres of public lands throughout the West that they are not developing. Similarly, in 2009, the BLM issued 4,487 post-leasing permits to drill for oil and gas, and industry did not use 1,220 of those permits." It seems to me that the leadership of this state tends to ignore the great economic benefit the wild lands of Utah are in terms of tourism dollars. It seems to me that they would rather give up a renewable source of income for short-term influxes of cash from selling more permits and leases. ORV interests like to say that wilderness reduces access for them, but they will have no more access once the land is fenced off after being sold to energy interests, or developed for the use of a select few who can afford to purchase homes in exclusive communities.

Sen. Mike Lee stated, "I will not sit idly by while the federal government puts a choke hold on our most valuable resources" (Ibid). Gee, Mike, it seems like those companies who hold the leases already in place really are not that eager to do anything about them. Where is the money that the leases were supposed to bring to the state? Shouldn't the oil, gas, and mining interests develop the land they already have before we sell them more and see more promises of economic development evaporate? How many ghost towns exist in this state as testiment to the fickleness of the energy and mining industries? How many rural communities struggle now because promises of development have gone unfulfilled by those companies who hold leases and permits now?

I also truly wonder how many of our leaders have actually taken the time to really visit some of these places. I know that different people value different things, and many people see southern Utah as nothing more than a vast, ugly desert, but to dismiss the concerns of people who want to see these places protected when you have never spent time there yourself is pathetic in my opinion. There are many people who love and cherish these places. I am proud to count myself among them. There are even people to whom these lands are nothing short of sacred. Allowing the BLM to protect these lands is a land grab? How can it be a land grab when the federal government already owns the land?

I feel at times like the lorax. I see greedy people with friends in the energy industry exploiting the land for short-term gains that seem to ultimately disappear. I truly believe that we are stewards of the earth. I believe that we will be held accountable for what we do to it. I believe that wanton destruction of the earth, in whatever form, is wrong. That does not mean I am against mining and drilling for oil; it just means that I believe there are places that should be valued as resources themselves, rather than as places to be exploited. I truly believe that future generations will either applaud and thank us for our courage in protecting and cherishing the unique places in this state, or they will lament our ignorance and short-sightedness in destroying what can never be replaced.

The photo at the beginning is from Arches National Park, a place that is, thankfully, protected. There are places like this all over Utah, and even if every acre of proposed wilderness was protected as such, the vast majority would still be available for those who see only the dollar signs and not the hand of the Creator in these extraordinary landscapes. I know I have said it before, but I find great peace and rejuvenation in these places. Merilee and I spend the vast majority of my vacation time in these places. They are places that help make the everyday frustrations of life endurable for me. They are places to be cherished. I only wish more of our leaders could see that.

And So It Begins....

2011-01-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

I just thought I would start the year off with a photo of Bryce I took last fall. This is such an amazing place. I hope that they do not succeed in getting approval for the coal mine 10 miles west of Bryce. Shots like this one may not be possible in the future if it is approved, and that would be incredibly sad.

As promised, here is my list of goals for 2011.

What I Plan, Or Hope, To Accomplish, The 2011 Edition

1. Exercise regularly. Merilee and I have a plan in place that begins on Monday morning. We figure if we work on this one together, it is more likely to happen.

2. Write in my journal at least once a week. I have never been good at keeping a journal, so this is a big deal for me.

3. Finish my Arches book. The photos are almost collected, so I just need to take the time to complete the text and layout. Then I have to have the money to have a copy printed.

4. Write creatively. And I mean it this time. Compared to last year, this one will be a success as long as I do it even once, but I am shooting for more than that. I already have a first line; "It all began on a Thursday."

5. Save enough money for a new computer. It doesn't have to be fresh out of the box, just new to me. I got the complete National Geographic (I love National Geographic!) on DVD-ROM for Christmas, but I have to have a Mac with an Intel Duo Core Processor running at at least 1.83 GHz in order to use it. I have an iBook G4.

6. Pay my tithing. I did better this year, but better is not good enough. This has always been difficult for me.

7. If we make it to Zion this year, hike Angel's Landing.

8. Become involved in the community. I'm not quite sure what form this will take, but it is something I have thought about doing.

9. Spend less time playing games on Facebook. I have already taken the first step on this one by quitting all of them. Aside from the fact that they were getting to be more frustrating than fun because they are so slow on my computer, I was wasting waaaaay too much time on them.

10. Enter at least one photo in the state fair. I have threatened to do this for at least the last 10 years. Now that I have officially made it part of my goals, maybe I'll really do it this year.

11. Continue to improve my photography. I figure I have to add one that will be easy for me to accomplish.

12. Plant and maintain a garden. We have planted each of the last two years, but I have been poor at maintaining (also known as weeding), so things have not been as good as they could have been. I want peas and carrots this year, which means more work earlier. It also means figuring out a way to fix the hole in the fence so certain individuals do not trample everything.

13. Visit someplace new here in Utah. I can think of any number of places I have yet to see that I would love to visit. This one shouldn't be very hard either.

14. Be a better friend, husband, and father. I know these are repeats, but I really feel like I could have done better, so they are back on this year's list.

OK, I think that is about enough. I certainly hope this year will be better than the last. I'll try to put last year where it belongs (in the past) and focus on the future. We'll see how it all goes.

A Farewell To The Century's First Decade

2010-12-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

As 2010 draws it's last gasping breaths (and because there has been nothing but dead silence on my blog for much too long), I thought it would be a good idea to look over what I had hoped to accomplish this year. The list...complete with results...follows:

What I Plan (Hope) To Accomplish In 2010
1. Post something to my blog weekly. Not quite. I haven't really checked, but I think once a month may be stretching it.

2. Add something new to my Flickr site at least monthly. I came close on this one. I ran into some limits that I have since overcome by purchasing a professional level account on Flickr. Now I can upload to my heart's content. Now if only the account name were descriptive of reality........

3. Exercise each weekday (at least). This will be walking, at least at first. I have to be in hiking shape for this summer. Failed miserably.

4. Write creatively at least once a week. This is something I have not done in a long time that I need to do more of. Again, abject failure here. Not a line of original text. Something about dealing with angry people five days a week for eight hours a day tends to dry up my creative juices.

5. Complete and (self) publish my book on Arches. That means using Blurb or some other site (suggestions welcome). I started gathering photos, but stalled on this one.

6. Improve my photography skills. This one I think I accomplished; at least I think I have learned a thing or two, if only regarding the way my camera operates.

7. Sell a photo. Not sure how I will go about this one, but I think it is a worthy goal. This is one of my fondest wishes...which means it never happened. Maybe 2011 will be the charm.

8. Eliminate (or at least greatly reduce) drinking soda. Who needs to drink their calories? Not me. I say at least greatly reduce because I know this is one of my great weaknesses and I don't want to beat myself up if I stumble on occasion. The goal is elimination. For the year overall, in the greatly reduce category, this one was a success. For the last two months, not so much.

9. Eat better and lose weight. I have to face it, for me these go hand in hand. In light of the failure with exercise, it is not surprising that the weight remains an issue.

10. Be a better friend. I'm afraid this one didn't work out so well either.

11. Read scriptures and pray daily. I recognize the need for me to be more valiant in my beliefs. I also need to pay my tithing, something I have always struggled with. I was 100 percent on the reading right up until September when I missed a day (the day we went down to Capitol Reef). All totaled, I missed 10 days. Not at all shabby, but not a complete success either. The best thing here is that I read the Book of Mormon twice. I continue to work on saying my prayers and I did better with tithing this year than I have done in a long time, but still have a ways to go.

12. Try harder to see the positive things in my life. After last year, that one may be a lot harder than it sounds. As I suspected, this was a tough one. I try to look for, and focus on, the good things, but it can be so very hard to get past all the negative things that keep cropping up.

13. Be a better father. I would like to think I did a better job this year, but you would have to ask my kids.

14. Be a better husband. Again, I would like to think I did OK on this one, but you would have to ask Merilee.

OK, that about wraps up the last year of the first decade of the 21st century. All in all, not really a passing grade, but the mere fact that I have done this is a big step in a new direction for me.

What are my thoughts about 2011? You'll just have to check back tomorrow for those. I need to get past these last few minutes of 2010 before I can seriously consider what I plan on working on next year. A couple are in place, but I'll tackle the next list when the year is new.

Nine Mile Canyon

2010-11-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

Just a quick, short entry tonight. I thought I would share a couple of images from the spur of the moment trip we took to Nine Mile Canyon yesterday. We figured why not take advantage of the amazing weather and take a road trip. It was a great time and I took way too many photos that I now have to go through.

I'll share some of our recent trip to Arches, as well as a few interesting events, when I am not quite so tired and I have a bit more time. Until then, enjoy the photos.

Just A Quick Thought

2010-10-27T21:42:00.000-06:00

I have been woefully lax when it comes to writing lately. It's not that I have not had anything to say, but rather I have been too (insert negative adjective here) to actually sit down and write. Now, when I should really be in bed, here I am typing away. I guess that's just the way it works out sometimes. I also think that tomorrow's journey down to Arches National Park has me a bit excited. I wanted to be on the road by about 5AM, but that is looking seriously unrealistic right about now. As long as we make it there, that is what is important. It has been about two years since we last went and I am looking forward to renewing my acquaintance with a place that soothes my soul while fatiguing the rest of me. Have camera, will travel! I'll share some of my adventure when I return, I promise.

Yellowstone, Tetons, and Dave....Oh My!

2010-08-21T23:11:00.001-06:00

I'm writing tonight, in part, simply because it has been so long since I last wrote. I had hoped to never go more than a month between posts this year, but over the past few weeks, I have been rather void of things I wanted to write here. There are many reasons, not the least of which is my current job which tends to leave me rather emotionally drained by the end of the work day.

It's not as if I have not had anything worth sharing. Merilee and I spent four wonderful days in Yellowstone last month, where I caught this guy having breakfast. He acted like he actually enjoyed being photographed, so I was more than happy to oblige. This is just one of many photos I took of this marmot, the first I have ever seen. We saw many amazing things on this trip, including a grizzly and her two cubs, and the eruption of Grand Geyser; one of those that goes off only once every 12 hours or so. I went crazy with the camera.

This photo is an early morning shot of the lower falls of the Yellowstone. We were leaving this amazing area just as a bus of Asian tourists arrived after having the pace almost to ourselves for almost 30 minutes. On this trip we tended to concentrate on things we had not seen before - Black Sand Basin, Artist's Paint Pots, West Thumb Geyser Basin, and the Mud Volcano area - so it was, in many ways, like visiting the park for the first time. Yes, we did see Old Faithful a couple of times, but I did not take a single photo of it this trip. My attention was on other wonders of this unique landscape.

Yellowstone is an amazing place, and we had a great time, But we decided that July is definitely the wrong month to visit due to the crowds. We also had the single worst site in the Canyon Campground; right on the corner where we had great views of the laundry/shower building and the buildings parking lot. We were also lulled to sleep at night by the dulcet tones of the building's generators. We ended up leaving a day early because we had grown tired of living in a fishbowl. Still, the time away from camp was amazing.

Another great thing was driving through Grand Teton National Park both to and from Yellowstone. We took a few side trips in the Tetons that we had never taken before and were well rewarded. The views of the mountains from the east side of North Jenny Lake were spectacular, and the view from atop Signal Mountain was breathtaking to say the least. It was a great trip and we really enjoyed it. We were more that a little reluctant to return to our day-to-day existence.

Next month we plan on heading down to Capitol Reef for a few days, with a side trip to Bryce. I have not been to Bryce since I bought my digital camera, so I fully expect to come back with quite a few photos. We will be traveling down highway 12 as well, and I understand that is a beautiful drive. I'm looking forward to those heirloom apples right off the tree, red rock hikes during the day, and crisp, cool nights around the campfire. October brings a trip to Arches (that I keep bringing up) to celebrate when we got engaged. These two trips will have to get us through until April when we have more trips tentatively planned. If only my work were as rewarding.

Since Yellowstone, we have done some hiking on Timp and in the south fork of Provo Canyon, but one of the most exciting things we have done was see Dave Matthews Band in concert on the 17th. I have wanted to see Dave for some time now, so being at Usana and hearing them play live was a great experience. I love live music and Usana Amphitheater is one of the best venues around because it is outdoors and the music does not bounce around the interior of a building. Dave sounded amazing and I really enjoyed the show. I'm glad we got to go.

Aside from those things, life has centered around work and getting a root canal and crown on one of my molars. Who knew that the process would take more than a month, but here I am awaiting my final appointment on Thursday. The dentist has been great, but once this round is completed, I don't anticipate returning any time soon. For one thing, I can't afford any trips for awhile, though I am certain there is plenty of work left to do.

Thus completes my Reader's Digest version of the last few weeks of silence on the blog front. I don't anticipate having another break of this length any time soon. One reason is I have been reading Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose. It is about Meriwether Lewis and the Lewis and Clark expedition, and it has inspired me to begin keeping a journal of my outdoor adventures. I purchased a small journal that I can take with me as we go camping and hiking, and I can record my experiences right there where they happen. It has also inspired me to be better at writing here, as well. We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Thoughts on July 4th

2010-07-04T11:08:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking lately about how fortunate we all are to be living in country where we have the freedoms we do. I was joking with Merilee that we will probably get a lot of politics couched as patriotism during Sacrament Meeting today and that I should probably get up and say how fortunate we are to live in a country where everyone is allowed to voice their opinion, no matter how misguided and uniformed it may be. Most of the people I know would probably take that as a not-too-subtle dig at the 'opposition', but I would know that it would be directed at the empty rhetoric I have been hearing entirely too much of lately. At least I would get a good personal laugh out of it. I would never do that, however, because I honestly feel there is no place for that in church and testimonies should speak of Christ and how we feel about him, not about anything even remotely political.

Though I often feel out of place in my current political environment, I do love our country. I have spent some time abroad in Sweden and I have seen what life can be like there. While they are by no means oppressed, there is just something different there. I can see it in my kids and some of their attitudes as they become adults. I am always glad to return home, back where I know I am allowed to speak my mind and I have the freedom to live my life as I see fit.

I also love the amazing natural beauty we are blessed with here, especially in the West. Anyone who knows me can tell you how much the natural beauty around us means to me. It is something precious that I feel must be protected. I spend time in nature to help rejuvenate; to escape the demands of everyday life and get in touch with the essence of what makes me who I am. I fear that many of these irreplaceable treasures, especially here in Utah, will be traded for the expediency of fulfilling the short-sighted demands of those who would use the land only for what they can take from it. Would our time not be better spent looking for and focusing on resources that are renewable and less destructive, while preserving the natural places that cannot be replaced if we destroy them in the name of energy or wealth? Call me a tree-hugger if you will. I am proud to align myself with the "greenies" that people like Rush Limbaugh hold in such disdain. The land we live in is a gift from God and I truly believe we will be held accountable for what we do with that gift. In another country, I may not have even had the chance to support causes that help protect the land because the government would do whatever it wanted.

So Happy Birthday USA! May we always remain free and may the great public discourse that is democracy continue for all generations to come. Long may freedom ring!

Mountain Road Trip

2010-06-27T19:45:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Merilee and I decided to spend some time up in the mountains. We started up the Alpine Loop, went down to Cascade Springs (where we just missed seeing a moose, from what we heard), drove from there over the mountain and down into Midway, then drove up into the Uintahs a bit. This is what Timp looked like early yesterday. It's so green right now, but that will change here in a few weeks, unfortunately. It was quite a nice way to spend part of our Saturday and escape the heat in the valley.

Two weeks from now we will be in Yellowstone, barring any last minute disasters. I say that because every camping trip we have planned since going to Capitol Reef last September has been canceled due to one problem or another. We are really looking forward to getting away for a few days and just enjoying nature. I can start checking the long-rang forecasts on Thursday, but I am hoping that everything will be looking clear and nice. We really need this one.

Trying To Work It Out

2010-06-12T23:19:00.001-06:00

What a roller coaster ride the last few weeks have been. I have seen some small personal successes (caught two fish a couple of Saturday's ago!) and have had some rather rough times as well (I had to tell my kids that there was no way we could afford to bring them out this summer). I have sat down to write on many occasions, but nothing would come to me, so I would close up the laptop and move on. Tonight I am forcing myself to put something down simply because I know if I do not write something soon, I might as well pack it in for awhile because I could go months without adding anything.

As I mentioned, two weeks ago I had to disappoint my kids. They are both old enough that I hope they understand, but I felt like such a failure telling them they could not come out. I know they had both been looking forward to it. Now we have to shoot for Christmas or next summer, but after that the visits will become fewer as they both begin growing into their own lives, especially Graeme. I have not seen seen them since February '09, and now it could be June '11 before I see them again, if then. So many things have happened in the 16 months that made it financially impossible. I knew it would be hard to tell them, but I had no idea just how hard until I had them both on the phone. It may sound harsh, and it is certainly something I need to repent of, but at that moment I hated my ex for the fact that I even had to tell them. I felt like it was another disappointment for them in a long string of disappointments.

Merilee and I decided that we would keep the reservation for Yellowstone as we both need to get away. Four weeks from today I hope to be sleeping soundly in our tent after a long day of hiking around the wonders of that amazing place. I have five nights reserved in the canyon campground, but we may only stay two and then head up to Glacier. We haven't quite decided because that would mean an additional 300 miles, at least, one way. Maybe we'll just try to see more of the Tetons. I also traded back two days I had requested off so that we can go down to Capitol Reef the last weekend is September. That is becoming an annual trip for us. Nothing like heirloom apples right off of the tree. We will probably take one of the days there and go down to Bryce; the last National Park in Utah we have not been to together, and Merilee's favourite. Then we have Arches in October. It doesn't begin to make up for not seeing my kids, but it will allow us both some time in the beauty of nature. I especially look forward to Arches. I so hope to feel the peace of that place.

I have been trying very hard not to let all the negative things get me down, but it has hard. I try not to let my work get to me, but it can be such an emotional drain sometimes. I keep asking for some guidance, some direction in my prayers, but I do not feel like any has been forthcoming. I continue to read my scriptures every day, and I am trying to feel closer to the Lord, but all I really feel is emptiness and I don't understand why. I suspect it has something to do with being depressed, but I keep trying. I get up every day and I count that as a small victory. I try to focus on those little successes, because the big ones seem so very few and so very far between of late.

I just finished reading This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I am in this reading group with some guys in the ward and it was the book everyone picked to read for this month. I had nominated others, but this one received the most votes. It was an interesting book in that Fitzgerald, in a way, seemed to be experimenting with his literary voice. I was reading last night and I found that I could relate to Amory Blaine's personal struggle. Our circumstances are vastly dissimilar, but he struggles with who he is, in both his creative pursuits and in life as a whole. I could relate in that I sometimes feel as if I have never found my niche; my place in the world, if you will. I had such plans 14 years ago, but divorce and distance from my kids changed so many things. Today I try to express myself creatively in words and through photography, but the words which came so easily a few years ago seem to be hiding in some dark corner of my soul and I am having a hard time finding them again. I feel like if I could only find them again, I would have hard time staunching the flow. I enjoy my photography very much, but I long to share it more and I am not certain how to do that. I plan on entering something in both the Utah County and Utah State Fairs this autumn; perhaps that is a start, or at least new avenue because I do have my Flickr site. Maybe this is what people mean when they talk about a 'mid-life crisis'; I don't know. What I do know is that somehow I continue; somehow I endure, but certainly there must be more than just enduring.

18

2010-05-22T23:26:00.001-06:00

Today was my son's 18th birthday. I was not there to celebrate with him, just as I have not been there for any birthday since he turned four. This is because his mom took him and his sister to Sweden when they were about 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 respectively, and they have lived there ever since. It's a long story, and if you have not heard it and are really interested, I don't mind sharing it, but not tonight. No sense going overboard this evening. I tried to call him to wish him a happy birthday, but only succeeded in waking up his step-dad at 7AM on a Saturday. That it was after 11PM here and I was bone tired isn't that important. I had told him I would call, but he stayed over with a friend and was not home. He has his own life now and I have to learn to accept that. It would be easier if I had been able to be more a part of the almost 14 years I mostly missed. I had to be satisfied with leaving him a message on his Facebook page. It amazes me how impersonal life is becoming in so many ways, but at least I was able to do that. No indication that he got my message yet, but I know he had a busy day from what he was telling me last time I spoke to him. 18. It makes me wonder, sometimes, where the time has gone.

For the past 14 years, missing him and my daughter has been an ever-present part of my life. It has been that void that is never quite filled, or that ache that never quite goes away. I have tried hard not to make it too obvious, but inside I have often wished I could be sharing a camping trip with them, or showing them some cool thing I had seen, or just wondering what they were doing and how their day had gone. I know that won't change just because he has turned 18, but I find that I can let go a bit more at this point because he is finding his own way in life now. I know that the times we talk will likely become fewer and that there will likely be years between seeing one another now. I have to rely on the knowledge that he knows I am here when he needs to talk and hope that he will have the time to chat with his old man every now and then. I wish I had a way to jump on a plane and go seem him, but I barely have money for gas for the car, let alone a round-trip ticket to Sweden. I miss him so much right now. Happy Birthday, Graeme!

Earlier today, Merilee and I went to our ward service project and barbecue. The day started out so grey that we were not certain we wanted to go, but we decided we would give it a go and were pleasantly surprised to find the sun shining as we went out to the car. We ended up raking up pine needles under a tree that they had recently trimmed back at the Provo Cemetery. Underneath the pine needles we uncovered a couple of gravestones that could easily have been covered for years. I'm not sure that anyone will visit them this Memorial Day, but I am glad that we were able to make it possible should any relatives come by. Afterward we went to the barbecue and had a good lunch. It ended up being a really enjoyable time and we were both glad we decided to go.

This evening we decided (OK, mostly me, but she graciously consented) to hike up part of the trail to the Y. Neither of us has been very active of late, so this was a big step forward for us. We only made it up to the second switchback, but that's a start. We saw a rabbit just up the hill and, at the second switchback, we sat on the bench and watched the deer that were grazing on the hillside before making our way back down. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, so we were really not prepared for a longer hike, but it was wonderful to be up there. The view from up there is really nice. I hope to get in the habit of hiking somewhere close at least two evenings a week. I think it would help me unwind from the day and make my job seem a little less onerous. That is my hope, anyway. I will also help us get ready for hiking in Yellowstone and Arches, and eventually we will be able to do a bit of backcountry hiking, complete with packs.

I think that is all I have for now. As it gets later, this great sense of loss that I have not been able to shake all day keeps getting stronger, and I am not sure I can give words to what I am feeling right now. It is almost as if sharing it here would only give it that much more of a hold on me. I know it has something to do with what I have missed with my kids over the last 14 years, and it has been fueled by I dream I had where they were younger. I was actually saying goodbye to them at a train station and I knew that I would never see them again. I wanted that last moment to last forever, but the train was leaving and I had to let them go. Not the sort of thing that lends itself to a day of carefree enjoyment. I have been able to keep it from interfering with my day very much, but it has been there nonetheless. I hope for better dreams tonight. Better yet, I hope for no dreams and just a restful night's sleep.

One more thing before I go. Last Sunday I received a gentle reminder about who is really in charge. If you don't know what I mean, maybe you will shortly. Let me start by saying I do not own a white shirt. I haven't had one in quite some time, mainly because I think I look goofy in a white shirt, and I have not found one that I liked. Now, in our ward, we have a shortage of Aaronic Priesthood and they are always asking for help in passing the sacrament. They always seemed to ask those in white shirts or suits (something else I do not own), leaving me with the impression that, like many wards I have heard about, the white shirt was a requirement. I had never been asked to help until three weeks ago, when I was wearing a light blue shirt that was fairly close to white. I am sure part of that was because I was there early and there were few people to ask, but I was still somewhat surprised because my shirt was obviously not white. I was more than happy to help out (though I had not helped pass the sacrament in about 30 years, including all the time in my BYU wards). Well, last week I was getting ready for church and I decided that I really did not want to help pass, so I intentionally wore a dark brown shirt, cleverly thinking that my shirt would disqualify me from being asked. I even bragged about it to Merilee. Imagine my surprise when I was asked to help pass. I immediately recognized that someone was showing me that I am not as clever as I think I am, and if the Lord wants me to serve, I'll get asked. As if to further punctuate the point, as I was trying to find my way to Sunday School (we are in a new building on a temporary basis as ours is being renovated), one of the brothers comes up to me and says, "Aren't you one of the primary substitutes? Would you mind helping me out with primary today?" That's what I get for trying to be clever.

And on that lighter note, I think I will call it a night and turn in.

Another Mixed Bag

2010-05-09T00:00:00.000-06:00

Here's a look at sunrise at Arches one of the last times we were there. I really cannot wait to get back in October. It's one of the things that keeps me going right now. I know I have probably said it before, but Arches is one of those rare places where I go to rejuvenate my spirit, if you will. It is as close to my center as any place I can think of, and I have missed being there. It will be two years since my last visit when we return, and I feel the need of the peacefulness of that place more with each passing day. I cannot wait for the quiet just before dawn, to see the stars in a night sky uncluttered with so much stray light, and to listen to the wind as it blows across the sandstone fins out by Dark Angel. I look forward to the warmth coming off the rock in the cool autumn air, the crisp bite of that first morning breath outside the tent, and beauty of all that red rock against a blue sky. I long so much to be there, which makes the reality that much sweeter when it finally comes.

This evening we actually got our garden started. We had to wait a bit with Merilee being sick and it turns out that it was a good thing we did. Our landlords live above us, and they told us at one point that they wanted to use part of the garden area, but then told us that we could do whatever we wanted. Well, we just found out today that they still plan to use half the garden area. Fortunately, they decided to use the half that we had not gotten around to totally weeding last year. The area we had weeded (at least twice) is still fairly free of weeds compared to the rest of the area, so that was thoughtful of them. I'm just a little frustrated because I waged war on the unruly grapevines and brought under control thinking that the garden was ours to do as we saw fit. Oh well, we still have the 'emergency replacement' refrigerator they 'temporarily' put in more than a year and a half ago, so I am not too surprised at the last minute about face. That and they have five kids that seem to drive them nuts, from the sound of it.

Grumbling aside, we had a few strawberry plants in the ground already (Merilee planted them before getting sick), but this evening we spent some time working in our 'half'. I was able to start getting the ground ready for some tomato plants (heirlooms only...no hybrids for us), and I prepared beds for and we planted radishes and peas in hopes that the cool nights and cooler weather being predicted for next week will allow them to sprout and flourish. We figure we have enough room for some spaghetti squash, green beans, watermelon, peppers, cukes, and maybe some zucchini and potatoes. We had a lot of success with the beans and tomatoes last year; not so much with the potatoes. Hopefully we will be able to stay on top of things and get everything in the ground by the end of next week. It feels pretty good to have things started, at least.

This last week was a rather difficult one for me. The job I do can be rather stressful and extremely emotionally draining at times. Usually I will have one, maybe two days a week where I feel like I have been beat up mentally, but this last week was five days of mental stress that really weighed me down. I try to remind myself that this is important work and that I am helping people, but sometimes I get calls that make me want to throw my hands in the air and walk away from my computer. I get so tired of the people who want to verbally beat me up because they are having a tough time doing whatever. I get especially tired of the people who say they know it is not my fault while treating me as if I was the only person responsible for their problems. Also, I have had to deal with enough pushy, entitled mental health providers (not to mention other people) from a certain state back east that I have lost any desire whatsoever of visiting there EVER. Anyway, by the time 5PM hit on Friday, I was ready to crawl under the covers and lie there in the fetal position for a good long time.

Today I was provided with a fairly strong reminder that someone is looking out for me, even though I sometimes question that. We had gone to WinCo to get some of the things they had on sale for their grand opening, and when we got back to the car, I noticed that my PDA was missing. Now, this thing is not my-life-in-a-portable-computer that they are for some people, but I have it in a nice case that I also keep other things in, much like a wallet. I started doing this because I have program on it that is like Quicken that has helped me immeasurably in keeping from the occasional overdraft charges that I used to experience while trying to keep track of everything in what I know is an already overcrowded cranium. Anyway, my PDA was missing and I pretty much freaked. I uttered a few choice expletives that I will have to repent of (nothing too terrible, but still), tried not to have a massive coronary right there in the parking lot, and immediately started heading back into the store to see if anyone had turned it in, all the way looking at the ground to see if it had fallen out. I kept thinking that this, on top of everything that had happened this week (I could write several thousand words in addition to what I have already written about this oh so wonderful week), was just more than I could take. I went in the store and checked at the customer service desk, and just as the lady there was checking to see if it had been turned in, this older gentleman walks up with it in his hand. I was flooded with relief (all those phone calls I was thinking I would have to make were now not needed, for one thing) and thanked him profusely for finding it and bringing it in. He said that he had found it on the sidewalk outside the store and thought I might have dropped it, but he wasn't sure. I said a prayer of thanks as I walked back out to the car, so grateful that someone honest had found it. It was almost as if someone was saying, "See, someone is mindful of you and looking out for you." I have to remember that the next time I start feeling like the guy at the gathering that no one seems to see.

I have found myself praying for a miracle, or sorts, this week. It is almost time for my kids to come out for the summer. Graeme turns 18 in two weeks, and I am fairly certain this will be the last summer he has free to spend time with his old man. The problem lies in finding the money to pay for the plane tickets. The closer it gets, the more I fear that they will not be able to come out because I do not have the means to get the tickets. I missed going to see them last summer because I lost my job and did not have the money to go, and I took a huge pay cut when I started my current job, so it is not like I have much to work with. Merilee and I are getting by, but not much more than that. If ever a miracle would be welcome in my life, this would be the time. I just don't know if I can face the thought of not seeing them again this year. And Kayleigh, if you are reading this, when I told you I had not given up hope and would not give up hope until there was none left to give up, I meant it. I have not given up and won't yet. There is still time. It has just been on my mind a lot of late.

With tomorrow being Mother's Day, I want to wish my mom and my dear wife a very happy day indeed; my mom for putting up with me and raising me with so much love and respect, and my wife for putting up with as well. Seriously, though, they are both amazing women that I am extremely fortunate to have in my life. I love them both. I also want to send out a very special Happy Mother's Day to a dear friend who is looking to adopt (you know who you are). You will make a wonderful mother and some child out there will be incredibly lucky to have you two as parents. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Well, it is now pushing midnight and I guess I better go. I have a lot more on my mind, but it will keep for now. I just want to end by saying that somewhere deep inside of me, I know that I am a very fortunate man in many ways. There are so many things that conspire to keep me from feeling that most of the time, but right now I feel it pretty strongly. I have a great family and a wife that loves me for who I am, not for who she thinks she can turn me in to. I have friends, though very few and I need to be a better friend to them. I have a job, a place to live, and my kids think I am OK, even though we are thousands of miles apart and I have not been able to be there for them anywhere near as much as I would have liked. I am very grateful that tonight, at least, I can see and feel this. Just thought I would share that. Goodnight.

Sunday Musings

2010-05-02T20:38:00.000-06:00

I threw this photo in at the beginning not simply because Arches National Park is one of my favourite places on the planet, but because this weekend we were able to reserve our favourite site in the campground for a renewal of our annual autumn trip to this desert wonderland. That's right; Oct. 28-31, barring any repeat of the kinds of problems we have had lately with weather and camping trips, we will return to Arches after more than two years absence. Six months is a long time to keep one's fingers crossed, but I'll probably be doing it.

Yesterday, while running errands alone (Merilee has bronchitis and spent the day resting), I was thinking about some of the things that have been happening for the last year and a half, and I came to the realization that part of what has made things so difficult for me has been that my self confidence is running a serious deficit lately. Every since I lost my last job and went through seven months of no one even wanting to give me an interview, I have been waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I realized that part of why my current job has been difficult is that I have subconsciously been wondering when they will decide that I am not working out and they will let me go. I realized that this has been having an effect on other things as well, like not writing because I did not think anyone would like it, so why bother. Or not taking photos or doing any number of other things because my self-confidence was in the toilet. It was a bit of a shock, but hopefully now that I realize it, I can try to do something about it. I don't know what, or how to even begin, but at least I am aware at this point. I'll just keep pushing forward.

Now, I know I said that I was not going to let this blog become complaint central, so I will add something rather nice that happened to me amidst some mild frustration, writer's block, and temporary insomnia. Last night, while fruitlessly trying to come up with something to say here that was worth putting down, I discovered that a band I really enjoy (and that I thought had disappeared for good) had actually released a new album last September. While this was great news for me, it got even better because I found the album available for download on Amie Street (one of the few download sites I really like) for...get this...$3.07. I still had over $6 credit with them, so I snapped it up and, even though it was not the most appropriate of Sunday listening experiences, burned it to CD and gave it a spin this morning. It was great and I really enjoyed listening to it. It reminded me just how important music is to me, especially when it is from a band I really enjoy (Vertical Horizon in this case, if anyone is curious). Anyone who has known me for a long time knows just how addicted to music I have been since high school. Lately I have not had as much available listening time as I have in the past and I have really missed it. I almost stayed up last night to listen to this one, but by somewhere between 1:30 and 2AM, I figured I had better at least try to get some sleep. It was something very nice to have happen at a time that I really needed it.

On an unrelated note, yesterday a friend of mine sent me a link to some photos of the volcano that has been causing problems in Iceland and parts of Europe. As we looked at the photos, it was hard to see the destruction that the volcano has caused for the people of Iceland. At the same time, it was amazing to me to see how much beauty there was within something so utterly destructive. The photos of the lightning within the clouds of ash were amazing to me, and it surprised me that I could find something so visually stunning amid such fury. They were great photos. In case anyone is curious, here is the link: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/04/more_from_eyjafjallajokull.html

That's all for now. Here's hoping that this week is better than the last and that some things start looking up.