Saturday, March 18, 2006

What a year this has far

It seems that the time between posts for me is growing wider with each post. I hope to change that. I actually started a post back in January, but then the bottom fell out for me and I never got back to finish it. Needless to say, what there was of that post was sent into electronic oblivion and I decided to start anew. Just as a warning, this post is more for me than for anyone else. I just feel the need to get some things out and this, unfortunately, seems to be as close to a willing ear as I can come at the moment. Fortunately, I have kept this blog somewhat of a secret, so not many people are likely to read this. I hope that those who do read this will understand.

Back in January, I had high hopes for 2006. The previous year had ended in more chaos and personal trial than I will take the time to describe here. I looked at the New Year as a time to put all that behind me and try to start off fresh just as many people do. Little did I know what this year had in store for me. On January 10th, I contracted a case of cellulitis in my left leg. I was at work, and as the day went on I began feeling worse and worse. When I finally did leave, people tell me I looked like a ghost. I was shivering and I felt cold to the core. I got home and crawled into bed, knowing full well what was happening because it had happened several years before. When I woke up the next morning, my lower leg was swollen, bright red, and extremely painful. I shouldhave gone to the doctor then, but I put it off for over a week. When I finally made it to the doctor, I got an antibiotoics shot and then spent the next 34 days on 875mg of amoxicillin twice a day. Those 34 days are like a blur to me. I was always tired and I am amzaed that I was able to function at work. Somehow I made it through and the leg is now free of infection, but I am still recovering. I am just now feeling more normal. Add that to all the other things that carried over, and 2006 has been a bit of a nightmare.

On top of all that, I have been fighting bouts of rather deep depression. Somehow I have managed to maintain some semblance of functionality, though it has often felt like I walked a very fine line between getting by and hiding from the world. There were a couple of days I was very close to simply giving in to it all, but managed to get through it. The last few days have been better, but it's still something I battle. It feels like ages since I felt truly happy, but at least I am not feeling as hopeless as I have. It all probably sounds a bit maudlin, but that's been my life since January.

I decided that it might help to start writing again. I know the beginning is none too auspicious, and I know that there will be pposts like this in the future, but I hope that the good will outnumber the bad as time progresses. It all begins with this first step. Let's see where the road leads me.