Sunday, July 31, 2005

Heavy Silence

It's been a long time again since I set my thoughts down here. Tonight, once again I feel the need. This evening is strangely quiet for me. For the last six weeks I have been blessed with the company of my children who are usually a world away from me with their mother. Today, the shortest six weeks in my life came to an end as I watched the two most precious souls in my life walk down a ramp to get on an airplane. Thus the silence. For six weeks my life has been full of the sound of my children; sounds of laughter, sounds of happiness, even sounds of sibling contention that I hear so very rarely are once again missing. This summer has been the longest continuous amount of time we have spent together since my ex left nine years ago. I knew our time together would have to come to an end before it ever began but I never dreamed it would pass so quickly. Now I must once again get used to hearing their voices only on the telephone until some time next summer when, for a few brief weeks, the heavy silence will be filled with joyous sounds of life.

From past experience, the next week will be a long one. Tomorrow, at work, the day will last much longer than the clock's passing would indicate. Slowly, the normality I am used to will begin to replace the feeling of loss and missing my kids will once again become the dull ache I deal with daily rather than the bright pang I feel now. Life will go on but I think I have shared enough for tonight.