Sunday, May 02, 2010
Yesterday, while running errands alone (Merilee has bronchitis and spent the day resting), I was thinking about some of the things that have been happening for the last year and a half, and I came to the realization that part of what has made things so difficult for me has been that my self confidence is running a serious deficit lately. Every since I lost my last job and went through seven months of no one even wanting to give me an interview, I have been waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I realized that part of why my current job has been difficult is that I have subconsciously been wondering when they will decide that I am not working out and they will let me go. I realized that this has been having an effect on other things as well, like not writing because I did not think anyone would like it, so why bother. Or not taking photos or doing any number of other things because my self-confidence was in the toilet. It was a bit of a shock, but hopefully now that I realize it, I can try to do something about it. I don't know what, or how to even begin, but at least I am aware at this point. I'll just keep pushing forward.
Now, I know I said that I was not going to let this blog become complaint central, so I will add something rather nice that happened to me amidst some mild frustration, writer's block, and temporary insomnia. Last night, while fruitlessly trying to come up with something to say here that was worth putting down, I discovered that a band I really enjoy (and that I thought had disappeared for good) had actually released a new album last September. While this was great news for me, it got even better because I found the album available for download on Amie Street (one of the few download sites I really like) for...get this...$3.07. I still had over $6 credit with them, so I snapped it up and, even though it was not the most appropriate of Sunday listening experiences, burned it to CD and gave it a spin this morning. It was great and I really enjoyed listening to it. It reminded me just how important music is to me, especially when it is from a band I really enjoy (Vertical Horizon in this case, if anyone is curious). Anyone who has known me for a long time knows just how addicted to music I have been since high school. Lately I have not had as much available listening time as I have in the past and I have really missed it. I almost stayed up last night to listen to this one, but by somewhere between 1:30 and 2AM, I figured I had better at least try to get some sleep. It was something very nice to have happen at a time that I really needed it.
On an unrelated note, yesterday a friend of mine sent me a link to some photos of the volcano that has been causing problems in Iceland and parts of Europe. As we looked at the photos, it was hard to see the destruction that the volcano has caused for the people of Iceland. At the same time, it was amazing to me to see how much beauty there was within something so utterly destructive. The photos of the lightning within the clouds of ash were amazing to me, and it surprised me that I could find something so visually stunning amid such fury. They were great photos. In case anyone is curious, here is the link: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/04/more_from_eyjafjallajokull.html
That's all for now. Here's hoping that this week is better than the last and that some things start looking up.