Saturday, March 12, 2005
I know it has been awhile again but I am afraid that I really haven't had much good to say and no one likes someone who seems down all the time. Still, the spiral continues for me for some unexplained reason. The last two months have truly been a trial for me. I find myself surfacing from one bad thing only to be swept under again by the next. I have barely had time to catch my breath between crises it seems. I have longed for someone to confide in, someone to share the burden even a little, but that is not part of my life right now sadly. It hasn't been that way for a very long time.....seems like ages. I do have one friend who doesn't seem to mind when I whine a bit (and is probably one of the only people who actually read this blog), but I worry about it being too much. Like so many others, I find myself longing for that soulmate, the companion of my life, but it is at times like the last two months that I feel that absence so poignantly. I'm not even sure I should be sharing it here, but it is where my life has been so it is what is foremost in my mind. Ultimately it doesn't matter what others think of these poor attempts to purge my soul. They are just as valid as anyone's thoughts and the people I care about and who care about me will understand. I think that is where I will end things tonight. Hopefully the next light at the end of the proverbial tunnel will not be the next runaway train. One can only be knocked down so many times before it gets just too hard to get back up.